A Reason To Smile, A Reason To Cry.

I had a great time in the studio today with Ann & Edward. We stayed there for almost 3 hours.

The thing about dancers are, as I found out, they can get ballet in a fair amount of time, because of their dancing background. Regardless of what dance they've done, it's still dancing either way, so from what I've seen, they only have a little trouble getting used to the positions and steps. Max & Edward are perfect examples.

But anyways, we all had a good laugh today. Edward was really diligent; he practised classical walks till he got it right, pirouettes, and pose. He was very disciplined too. I  liked that.

The 3 of us teased each other a lot. Ann was in the corner of the studio with the yoga mat, working out. I was teaching Edward ballet. It was quite hilarious, actually. xD And I don't mean that in a bad way, love. xDD

But like everything else, happiness also has it drawbacks: a pool of tears later.
Min Ru & I broke up.
Can't say I didn't see it coming to be honest, though. Still, it hurt nonetheless.

But I'm ok now, and life goes on. Besides, there's the retail therapy to look forward to in a few hours! ^^
You're a genius for suggesting it in the first place, Rachel! =D

Oh, and quote of the day:

"A good dancer can dance anywhere; 

(he) just blends their body in with the environment. "

Um.

Um, wow.
I got elected as Assistant Treasurer of the Dance Club.
Thanks to Rachel who nominated me (you traitor, haha), and Shangaree who seconded *glares*
Even though I told them that I was horrible with money. =_="
Oh well, at least Rachel was elected Chairperson! xD

I Think Too Much.... I Think.

I think I may be thinking too much over this whole 'wanting to see Mr Gino' thingy. Why? Because the day before yesterday, there was a problem with the internet connection (ooh, big surprise.. *sarcasm*), so I couldn't go online. So instead, I decided to play some RAD Ballet songs.
I went to my WMP library, searched the grade I felt like listening to, and pressed play. At first, I thought I heard as if another music was playing in the background. Oh, and I should probably mention that my laptop was on my study desk, right in front of the window. So I approached my laptop to check if I had left any other music on.
Nope.

As I turned, to walk away, though, I thought I heard someone whistling to the music. Eyebrows furrowed, I turned to my laptop again; the faint whistling can still be heard.
Then, as suddenly as the whistling started, it stopped. I shrugged it off as me hearing things, but of course, deep inside, I wanted to believe that it was really Mr Gino whistling. But then I thought, Gino doesn't whistle.. He sings. xD But still.

I didn't think much of it, but now that I do...

I was listening to Grade 5.
Grade 5 was one of the grades where Mr Gino was most relaxed; in other words, yes, he did scold them, but it was one of the classes where he joked around most.
Grade 5 was the grade where, in my opinion, we felt most close to, other than Intermediate/IF.

Was I really imagining things?

Yay~ Good News! ^^

I GOT IN THE DANCE CLUUUUBBBBBBBBBB~!!!


That is all. =3 xD

Someone's watching over me...

I'm sorry, this will be another emo post.

I knew since the day of his passing that looking back might be a bad idea. But then again, pretending it never happened and completely forgetting would be more of a sin. But looking back has always brought me to tears.

Things are gonna get really emotional (at least for me) beyond this point, but hey, I thought that if I was gonna do some crying, might as well go full frontal, eh?

He never forgot me. My 2nd-3rd week in Kampar, he messaged me.

P/S: I'm writing the message as it is; spelling and all.

13/01/10.
12.41 PM
"Hi ! Hows groovy Kampar treatng u??
Tried d K.Chick biscoitu ! Careful dont eat
too mch u mite fnd feathrs growng on yor Lips.
Wil mis my kristal packing Mamma.
Take care."

After all these years of writing my name in the receipts, he still couldn't spell my name properly. Oh Gino.. I will always be your 'Kristal packing Mamma'.

13/01/10
12.54 PM
"Ah nevr mind - we love to have u in clas - mite
even 4 yor sake comduct d clas in classial Thai!!!"

Well, we all know that that promise never came to be. What I would give to hear his rubbish Thai one last time..

21/01/10
2.11 PM
"Hi I got hear u got speakng on d fon wth Rokiah n she also got abt yor 3 roomates - 2 archiperlehs n 1 chunglungs n all 3 suffers frm verbal diarrhoea. Also mayb u not com hme 4 CNY - n got say u wept bitterly n yor tears flowng down on yor ample bosom - so sorrow. Oh I'm mortified teachnh C'nita G6 C'ractr - making noncnce of d Syllabus n feel like weepng n let d tears flow dwn my kukuchye.
Seeing 2day at 3.45pm. H...E...L..P"

I've always shook my head over his choice of words.. They were nothing short of dirty, but that was what made us like him. He was open. VERY open at that.

Then one of the times he was sick, he sent Lika a message, which she forwarded to me:

08/11/09
10.40 PM
"Rokia do u think u could manage w/out me 4 another week. I'm improving but very slowly - taking G'seng-Esnce of Chickn. If u feel too stressful its ok I'll cancel my thorough chck-up at d Hosp. Anyway by Tues. I can courous enpointe 2 d'toilette then I'll courous to Puduraya. Sakit mau mati can joke-joke."

I think that this would be the message both Lika and I will be killing ourselves over for, for not taking his sickness seriously.
He has been sick before in the past, so I think it never really crossed our minds how serious it was this time. I'm sorry, Mr Gino. If only we knew.

I have a few other messages from him in my other phone, so maybe I'll save those messages for next time. But until then, I'm still waiting for a sign of some sort that he's up in heaven, still shaking his head and watching over his Kristal packing Mamma.

Disappointing? Uh oh.

Lika messaged me this morning and told me that the Bridal performance last night was slightly disappointing.

The students forgot steps, and the stage layout didn't help much either. It was weirdly built, slightly too low, resulting in the kids getting distracted.

>____<

I know they're little and all, but they've performed several times before and they've got through it.
Hmm.

Performance practises again

I feel sorry that I wouldn't be able to be there for their performance next week.
Things have changed so much since I left. There are so many new students, and it feels like I'm the one who has to get to know them now, not the other way round.
Yes, they still call me 'teacher', but I feel so disconnected to them now. I don't teach them anymore; Seow Hui does. She's become one of the real teachers, while I'm just someone who comes in when I happen to be on break. I used to 'freelance', if you will, though not anymore. I was gone for 5 months, and already there are so many new faces.
They warm up to me pretty quickly though, but that's not the point.
I want to teach again. I want to be able to reconnect with them, and rebuild that rapport. Now, they only see me a few times, and I'm gone again. I come and go. I want to somewhat be a permanent teacher in these students' lives.
I miss it.

'Teaching' Max (and now Edward) are not the same, although fun nonetheless. It's bittersweet when you leave them, then come back to find how much they've grown in that short period of time. I almost feel.. motherly about it.
Dammit.

*cough* Now that I've emo-ed enough, on to the videos and pictures^^

Argh, memories makes me wanna cry. T^T

Yesterday, I went to the old studio. Lika said she had wanted to clear some stuff up (in addition to asking me some stuff about computers; that woman is self-proclaimed computer illiterate xD)

I took a video from the staircase and recorded a footage of the entire studio. To be honest (and I know how crazy this is gonna sound), I was kinda hoping that when I re-watched the recorded footage, that I would somehow see Mr Gino's ghost or apparition or something in the footage. I've been wanting to see him for quite a while now. I don't normally wish to see ghosts, but this time, it's exceptional.

I want to see the ghost or apparition of the man who has seen me grow up; who has seen me progress as a dancer, and whom was literally my 2nd father. I want to see him, thank him, and say a proper goodbye. I want to let him know all that's been happening, although chances are, he already knows. Lika said Norma and her have had signs that perhaps Gino was watching over them. I've yet to feel these 'feelings' or see the signs. Which is why I'm dying for him to show up so I can say a few last words to him. The last I saw him was before I went to Kampar.

If I had known, I would have hugged him.
If I had known, I would have told him then how thankful I was for everything he's done these past 17 years. I'd tell him to speak to me in 'Classical Thai' one last time, and hear perhaps one last dirty joke.
There are so many things left unsaid, so many things to tell.
He was gone too soon.

And now, Norma, Mischa and Lika have agreed to close down the old studio.
The studio I grew up learning ballet in; the place I've been going to for classes for 17 years.
The place I took nearly 6 exams in.
It's gonna be hard saying goodbye to that place.
This Friday (tomorrow, in fact), Lika and I planned a gathering in Gino's studio. Lika already warned that chances are, we're gonna need some tissues. I'm hoping that (as cliche as it may sound,) during that time when most of us will be gathered at the studio together, that Gino will appear before us, then we can maybe each say something to him. But then again, we might be too busy crying to even speak coherently.

Oh wells.
Anyway, here's the vid I took.

We Want Nobody, Nobody But Chu~

I went to the studio today to help out with the dances for the upcoming bridal performance in ECM. Which, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to attend because I'll be back in Kampar by then.

When I arrived, I could hear Nobody blasting from the speakers, and the children's synchronized clapping. I smiled to myself; I could even hear some of them singing along. No wonder the music sounded so loud - Seow Hui was teaching them outside the studio; in the hallway. Most of them smiled when they saw me, and I went to help Seow Hui with teaching.
The dance was very easy to follow; after all, she had to choreograph a dance that Luvena would be able to follow.

When Seow Hui asked those who still weren't sure of the dance to come out and teach them separately, she asked me to handle the rest. When she left, the girls who knew me, Gina, especially, eagerly moved forward and I heard a distinct 'yay~' somewhere.

Well, I don't have much to write about, so I'll let the pictures and videos do the talking, yes?

We Meet Again.

I went to Lika's studio at almost 3pm. I was supposed to come at 2pm for Inter, but the Killpest people came, and my lazy ass caused me to only arrive around 3pm.

When I arrived, Kathrina, Kai Hong, Seow Hui, Jermaine, Wan Hui and Xing Ying were at the barre, doing Intermediate. I sat out until after their class, when we did a little of Advanced 1. And I DO mean a little. We just did the barre work, skipping Battemend Lend and Fouette & Rotations. That itself already made me sweat quite badly.

Kathrina, principle of the PAD (Penguin Academy of Dance), created an easier alternative for Ronds de Jambe with Pirouettes. The part where you have to do a double pirouette, you just wait there, then changement to the other direction at the last count.
I wish PAD really existed.

Later on, before Pre-primary, Lika, Seow Hui and I went down to the sundry shop downstairs to but a couple of snacks to munch. And to be honest, there goes my weight.
I gained 2kgs the 2 weeks I was in Kampar after study week, because I ate so much. I lost 1 kg after coming back here, after finding out about my weight gain and attempting to control my food intake. Worked so far;  I still have another kg to lose (or more, not complaining...), but I haven't weighed myself after the snack indulgence today.
Almost afraid to.

Then at around 7, Gina's group came, along with Sonia & Sophia the 2 from Hong Lee; Megan and Michelle. Esther seemed less lively than the last I saw her; where else Irene and Gina were their usual talkative and lively selves. They were all doing the new syllabus by now, the pre-primary and primary. It was interesting to watch them do something else other than the usual, almost-boring-to-look-at pp and primary work.
Hmm. I wish they would change the other syllabus' too. To slightly easier, of course.