March 01, 2010

I Can't Forget.

I had thought that, after a while, I would eventually accept the fact that he's gone, and that I should stop mourning and move on.

But today, Lika had sent me a message saying that she saw Naomi's blog about Mr Gino here. And then I got all emo again.

Just yesterday, I was hanging out with Ann, Ramesh, Beverly and her boyfriend when Beverly happened to mention that there was a dance studio in the university's gym.

Honey, even if I had been daydreaming or something, the word 'dance studio' + 'Utar gym' would have been enough to snap me off of my daydreaming.
Immediately, I imagined myself dancing Intermediate there (it was the only CD I brought, my Advanced 1 music is in my laptop). Just me, the music, and the entire dance studio to myself.
And almost automatically, just the word 'ballet', 'intermediate', or anything that has anything to do with ballet in particular makes my heart ache.
Oh how I miss it; everything, his scoldings, his pervert-ish jokes, his rubbish 'Thai. I even miss hauling myself out of bed every Thursday morning at 9AM just to attend the 9.30 class.
Although, I wouldn't miss much even if I didn't go for the morning class; we'd always managed to persuade him to continue with pirouettes later in our evening class. xD

Why did it have to be so sudden? I mean, in a snap of a finger, he was gone. No warning, nothing. We were not prepared; it was the last thing we expected ever to happen.

If I'm truthful to myself, I'd say I haven't been properly dancing since I came to UTAR. I'm either drowned with assignments, or am just too busy hanging out with my friends. So it's been what, 2 months since I last danced? Those mini practices in my room do not count; I wasn't even able to dance properly from the space constraint.

And somehow, I feel guilty.
I feel that it's as if I've abandoned my responsibility to dance, even more so after the recent drama. I feel attached to dancing, and that I've somehow sort of betrayed Mr Gino by not practicing.

I will check out the dance studio soon, Mr Gino. And if I manage to, I'll use that studio to practice.

I will NOT stop dancing.