Yikes, and Wow and the same time.

OK, so I'm a little iffed because I typed this post out using Chrome, and when I posted it, NOTHING except the title and tags came out. Grrrr.

And now I feel lazy to type it all over again. =.="

Anyways, I was musing how much I sucked at updating my dance blog, despite constantly professing my love for it.

And my flexibility.

Or rather, lack thereof. T_T

I used to do yoga for quite a few months back then, and I noticed that it DID help with my flexibility, but then I stopped yoga, and then I stopped ballet for a good 2 years because of uni.

And my flexibility just FLOPPED.

Like, literally. Bunny ears flop.

Ok, so I'm trying to make my 'disability' sound cute for a moment there.

Sorry. >.<

Not that I was all bendy last time either, so....

But you get my point.

And then there's me teaching.

I officially start this week, and I'm a little ball of excitement (and a little nervous... wreck.)

P/S: cute fail again there...

Before this I had been just a 'stand-in', per say. This time, I'll be handling 2 kinds of people by myself: adults, and  kindergarteners.

The best part of all these, though?

I FINALLY get to do what I love.

I'll make you proud, Mr Gino. <3

It Happens.

It sucks, let me tell you this.

It sucks to have to rely on someone else for financial support, especially when you know that 95% of that chance is negative.
It sucks, that you have to rely on your dad, who takes close to no interest in helping you finance the things you love, just because it's 'future is not very bright'.
It sucks that going for this course would mean so much to me, because it will definitely help in my teaching and technique, but of which I am unable to attend because I'm literally broke; all my savings have gone to accommodating myself to other such events in the past.

It sucks because I know that ranting will get me nowhere, but I was hoping that maybe it might make me feel a little better afterwards. And I MAY, but I know that when the date draws closer, I will start feeling upset again.

It sucks when you want something that's once-in-a-lifetime so badly, but you just have to take a back seat and watch it all unfurl before you without participation.

This sucks balls.

Christmas Post!

  Merry Christmas all! =D


How did your Christmas countdown go? I'm typing this in my dance blog instead because my other one isn't working for some reason.. =.=


I had Christmas eve dinner at Hyatt, then countdown at the bar there called Chukka (Ashley: "No Vinegar ahh??" LOL. [For you non-Malay speakers out there, 'Cuka' literally means 'Vinegar' in Malay. So she was being sarcastic here.] ).


I found dinner just so-so though. Nothing too lavish. Unless you count the lobsters. (Or maybe it was because we came a bit late, so all the good food have gone) 

My dinner.

Lookit how much crab/lobster the guys had.

Dessert! Keke~

And Lika must have gotten her celebrations confused, because she kept playing this song on her iPhone:

And then she started searching for all the Indian-version songs she could find. And that included Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep. I died laughing.

Anyways...


After dinner we went to Chukka, and by then it was about 30 minutes to midnight. Not one of the best clubs, in my opinion, but meh. We had to make do.


Lika and I didn't drink much too. I was more 'disturbed' at the noise they were making (the band didn't even sing; most of the time they were just shouting and screaming), and the fact that the people only got really pumped up whenever the band sang Malay songs. O.o Then I got to know that Chukka really is a Malay-bar. No wonder. And we were wondering why there were so many Malays in the bar.


I arrived home at around 3 in the morning, smelling of smoke and half deaf. The highlight, though, was the little Christmas surprise. 

I really wasn't expecting anything like that, and I found it really sweet.^^ And then Lika told me that she had a part of this. LOL. I'm so gonna kill her. Out of love, of course. xD

I called 'her' Hye Su (meaning 'grace and beauty'), and cuddled her to sleep last night. ^^ Keke~

Vaganova Love.

Ok, so I'm a little pissed because I've typed up almost the complete entry to this post but then Chrome decided to crash on me and the only thing that 'saved' was my embedded video. Gahhh. =.=


So anyways... The Vaganova workshop was AWESOME. There was 2 Junior classes and 2 Senior classes, but since I registered late, the first Senior class was already full, leaving only ONE more place left for the other senior class. And I was lucky to have even cinched that spot. Also, the rest (Lika, Seow Hui and Ice) had opted to observe both Junior classes, and since the first Senior class was full, I thought I'd go observe it instead.


Hey, at least I'd get something out of it too!


Oh, and here's a little about the Russian Vaganova method:

The Vaganova method is a method of teaching classical ballet that was 

developed by Agrippina Vaganova in between 1922-1951. The Vaganova 

method includes the development of lower back strength and arm plasticity, 

and the requisite strength, flexibility and endurance for ballet. Its technique 

encourages dancers to move their arms, legs and torso together in perfect 

harmony. A strong torso is a necessity for the Vaganova method, as the torso 

forms the foundation of all movements.

And here was the schedule for said workshop:

For a workshop based on THE famous Vaganova Method, the fees are pretty darn cheap. But I admit, I was pretty nervous about dancing in public after about a year's hiatus from dancing. And no, the little dancing in between do not count.


The teacher/choreographers would be Ms Ena Hirose and Ms Jie Choong Wan-Chin.

Sad to say, I had no idea who they were before the workshop. *A*

The hotel was LOVELY, and I took to it immediately upon seeing it.


However when we observed the Junior class the next day, I got even more nervous. It was JUNIOR class, and already the bar was set up rather high. Seow Hui even joked that if THAT was Junior class, she was going to tell the teachers that she wanted to take up Pre-Primary class instead. xD


There was one little girl, though, that I think literally stole the hearts of everyone there. Little Alicia Poh. She was ADORABLE. The smallest of the Junior class, she was also one of the best. And one of the best at the variation they were taught too. I thought it was nice that they taught variations for both the senior and junior classes. Coming from Kuantan, we learn purely from syllabus and have no chance of otherwise properly learning any variation. The variation that the Juniors did was the Cupido variation from Don Quixote. Imagine little Alicia doing that. Eurgh I had cavities watching her. xD


I would post a video, but 1) We weren't allowed to take pictures/videos, and 2) I couldn't find any video in Youtube that was similar or the exact version of what they did. But yeah, search that variation up in Youtube and you'll get an idea what it looks like if you don't already know Cupido's variation.


Later that day was also the first Senior class; the one I would be observing. The things they taught, I hadn't expected any less, what with the grade and all. But what I WAS surprised was that during the variation, they allowed to do en demi pointe. Those who wanted to do it en pointe were welcome to do so, and if you think that you'd rather do it en demi pointe to get the steps first, you were welcome to do that also. So basically they had a choice.


The teachers said that the main aim of this workshop, other than to teach us the Vaganova methods of ballet, were, first and foremost, TO HAVE FUN.

She's having fun. Really.

Me? Heck, did you even have to ask? If I were given a CHOICE, of course I'd do it en demi pointe! xD


The second day, we only had one Junior class to observe, so things weren't so tiring. I was poofed the day before, and I hadn't even danced at that. I could imagine the others who danced. We also decided to take pictures with the teachers, so here it is:

Ms Ena (red shirt) and Ms Wan-Ching (far left)

And although we had literally an entire free day to ourselves, we spent most of it lazing around in the hotel room. Ice, on the other hand, spent it bugging the rest of us that she wanted to go swimming. We finally caved in to her (very noisy) demands at around midday at 4-ish. 


Only to find that:


1. We had to cross the mall to go to a lift that would take us to the pool (and we were clad only in bathrobes and hotel slippers on top of our swimming suits),
2. It was actually Fitness First's swimming pool, not the hotel's itself. But hotel guests could swim there.
and
3. ICE CAN'T SWIM. Yes, the person who had been bugging us since after the Junior observation that day couldn't actually swim.


We also found out, much to our horror, that the water was freezing, and later on, that it was filled with mucus. So we dubbed it 'Pei Si Sui' (Mucus Water). xD It was disgusting, so we never really lasted long in the pool after we found out. And then we also found out that the towels rented had a kind of damp, foul stench to it once it got wet.


Eeew.


On the last day though, and on the day I would be dancing, we found out previously that we'd be doing the same variation that was taught the other day; meaning that we'd be doing Kitri again. So we practised in the hotel room beforehand, and made do with whatever limited space we had.


I was excited to do the variation; it looked fun, although I knew it must have been really tiring because it's so fast.

But come middle of barre work, I was beginning to feel it's toll. one year's absence from dance really had it's effect on me as I felt my legs becoming weak and couldn't even last en demi pointe to do an ecarte.
But come center work, I felt much better. I figured it was the strengthening exercises that took a toll on my old muscles. ;p


I was most excited for variation... which then proved how much HARDER it actually was compared to how it looked. I was tired by then, and when you repeat the variation about 3 times, you get even more tired. And my toes were starting to hurt.
Actually, they felt like they might disconnect from the soles of my feet anytime.


And of course, the only pain I felt were my toes at that time, but I knew that my body had a slow reaction to almost everything. It wasn't until we got back in Kuantan early Thursday morning (around 1-2AM-ish) that I began to feel the pinch. My body ached from my hip down, and I could feel my muscles ache with every move I made. But at the same time, it felt GOOD to feel my muscles hurting. Nothing says 'you worked hard' better than aching muscles to come back to. ;p


P/S: I was lucky this time to be able to find the exact version of the Kitri Variation that we did in class:

And finally, some pictures of us after class! ^^

With Ms Ena Hirose^^

'Sor por' Ice.

With Ms Wan-Chin. ^^

Dear....

Dear Mr Gino,


I still cry whenever I hear/see anything that reminds me of you, do you know that? My throat tightens and I have to fight back tears, and I have to revert my thinking before it leaks out of my eyes.


I still miss you so damn much.


Whenever I watch our Dance Drama performance, the words from 18:41 always make me think of you and make me tear up.

Why didn't you give me a chance to say goodbye?

My Dreams Are Trying To Tell Me Something Again...

I've been dreaming a lot about the old studio lately. First, I dreamt that Lika and I were dancing in the old studio.. like old times, as students. Only it wasn't Gino teaching. It was this lady, and she had another 'friend' or helper with her. Something like when Ms Chua would teach us back then I guess.

And then just two nights ago I dreamt that we were in the studio again, this time with Gino there. It felt as it did years ago, long before I joined Lika's class; like when I was still dancing with my group. But I hadn't danced... I guess I had either finished or something. The little girls were having class, and theirs was the last class for the day at nightfall.

After their class was done with, I remember Gino coming out of the room as he always does, to bid the parents and students goodbye. And I also remembered telling him I needed new soft shoes for the coming 'exam'. And I remembered that in the dream, my shoe size was 7 1/2. My shoes weren't particularly tight; I just needed new, clean ones for exam. And then I remembered trying it on.

It may not seem like much of a dream, but I thought I'd pen it down anyways because both dreams involved the old studio; which I terribly miss, by the way. I wish I could go up there for a visit one day and see what has become of the studio. 

Taking a break from studying, and this is what I happened to listen to.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  

You told me how proud you were but I walked away 

If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away 

Thank you for all you've done 

Forgive all your mistakes 

There's nothing I wouldn't do 

To hear your voice again 

Sometimes I want to call you but 

I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you 

for everything I just couldn't do 

And I've hurt myself 

by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit 

Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss 

You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong? 

Would you help me understand? 

Are you looking down upon me? 

Are you proud of who I am? 

There's nothing I wouldn't do 

To have just one more chance 

To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you 

for everything I just couldn't do 

And I've hurt myself...

If I had just one more day, 

I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away 

Oh, it's dangerous 

It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you 

for everything I just couldn't do 

And I've hurt myself 

By hurting you

It's been... What, 1 1/2 years now?
And I feel that this song suits my situation the best. It never fails to make me cry whenever I hear this; it still does.


Because it still kills me that I never got a chance to say goodbye.
It kills me that the last you saw of me involved me saying goodbye to you at my last class before I came to uni.
It kills me, because I never got the chance to thank you for all you've done for me all these 16 years of Ballet.


And I don't think I'll ever get over that.
Knowing how much there was to say, yet... time was so cruel as to not grant us any.
Maybe if I had the chance... To see you one last time before you were gone forever, then maybe I wouldn't be having such a hard time.


Every time something happens to me that has to do with dance, you're the first person I think of. And I always wish you were still around for me to share that joy with.


Your phone number still remains in my phone. I never really got around to deleting it; and I think I probably never will, not as long as I still feel so emotionally attached.


But I don't mind.
But I do wonder sometimes, and hope, that should I call your phone number, will you pick up?
The answer is painfully obvious, because Mischa probably already deactivated your number. Call it a foolish thought.


But I'd like to think that now, even after all the commotion has died down, you are still watching over me. Over us.
Sometimes, I'd like to think that you're sending little signs my way to show that you're keeping watch over me, like that little rainbow last semester. It was a sign of hope for me, and I hope that you will continue giving out little signs to let me know that you've not completely gone.
Because sometimes, I could really use a comforting thought or two.

I Found My Heart Beating With A Familiar Ache...

The kind of longing ache that presents itself whenever I see any male member of our Dance Club dancing.

Ever since my passion for dance surfaced, it has been one of my main dreams to be able to dance with my partner. And I don't mean those crappy, sad attempts at using dance (if you even call it dancing) as a last resort to be on my good books. (And you wondered WHY I didn't seem happy.. tch.) Ok, enough about that..

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that it's always been something I want to do. Dancing with my boyfriend, I mean.  I don't know if it sounds selfish, but it would mean a lot to me. When you really DO have that special connection in real life, when you dance, if both parties put an effort to it, it will be beautiful. Not only the connection, but the partnership as well. Absolutely gorgeous.

See the passion and connection in this dance? Look how enticing it is.

Of course, I don't expect to dance that professionally with my partner. I've always dreamed of dancing a performance with my boyfriend, but even a slow dance would be enough.

Everytime I see a performance by the dance club, I so wished that my boyfriend was with me; to dance with me.

Lacking, As Usual..

Well I was supposed to post this the day after I dreamt it, but I got so caught up in other things that I only just remembered to pen it down now.

Epic fail, but yeah, whatever. ;p

Anyways, it has been.. I think about a week or so after the Dance Drama was over, and I had dreamt that along with the other dancers, I was learning Taeyang's Where You At choreography that we used in the drama. And surprisingly enough, in that dream, I knew at least 95% of the choreography. When I woke up, I found that I could remember most of the steps as well; and it's weird because I hadn't even learnt or tried those dance steps. Then to wake up and unconsciously know it almost as if were the back of my hand.. Wow.

The only dance I was sort of sure I knew, and which I also had never personally learnt; (meaning I had only mentally learnt the steps from watching it countless times during practise) was the 'I Gotta Feeling' dance, because it was fairly very easy.

But the most important thing is, I'M BACK and ready to start dancing again! =D

Just thought I'd post this. ;)

If any of you are using Blackberry... Here's the mobile version of my blog! ;)