February 16, 2010

The Memories Are Here To Stay.

I met Lixian at ECM today. She was with Carlmin and another girl.
The moment she saw me, I noticed that her eyes became teary.
She had even admitted so herself.
We hugged, and whenever we look at each other, if even for a few seconds, the tension would be too much and either of us (me, mostly,) would look away, laughing.

She told me that just looking at me makes her want to cry.
Of course, the same can be said for me.

You are missed, Mr Gino.
Still are.
And I think you will be for a very long time.
Neither of us got to say goodbye or thank you.
Why did you have to leave so fast? Your jokes and quips still echo in my brain; the messages you sent me when I was in Kampar have been etched in my mind, and I find myself re-reading it every so often.
Whenever I come across your name under my contacts, I pause.
Sometimes, I feel like just sending a message to the number, just for the heck of it, hoping that somehow, you might be able to read it.
But I know better.

You told me that when I came back to Kuantan and came for class, you'd conduct a class in classical Thai for me.
You promised...

You should be sitting at the teacher's table, one leg resting on the table as you have always did.
You should have been sitting there, scolding us whenever we made mistakes. You should be there, telling us time and time again to throw all our worries at the door when we come for class, because dancing is supposed to make us happy.
You should have been here to pressure us all because exams are coming, and scold us more than usual because you want us to do well.

We've heard all those a thousand times, yet, I don't think we mind hearing them again.
Just so we know that you're still here.
Just so we know that we still have you.

It would be selfish of me to want you to come back, but I think it's not too much to ask, however, if I say that although you are in a better place now, please continue to look over us, your students.
No matter how much we've grown or whether we're adult or children, we'll still need your guidance.
A little nudge from you, maybe, telling us again to leave our problems outside the studio door, and come for class with a light heart and smile.

This song is for you, Mr Gino.

February 10, 2010

RIP Gino Miranda.

Today was emotionally and physically exhausting for me.
I hadn't managed to get enough sleep the night before, and I had classes in the morning.
I had to walk to and fro from several blocks in uni, as if cycling under the hot sun was not enough.

I got a surprise call from Lika this afternoon.
She was crying, and she told me that our ballet teacher was admitted in the hospital, and that the doctors are beginning to give up hope on him...

What's happening?

She took the next bus to KL to visit him. But she was too late.
Our ballet teacher had passed away at around 3pm.

The last I saw of him was before I left for university. And he would still occasionally text me to keep in touch.
He said he had a urinary infection the last time he saw a doctor for being sick. Turns out it wasn't a urinary infection after all.

According to Lika, he was alright this morning, being able to chat and all. But the same can't be said later on.

I was sort of numb when I was told of the news. It's surreal.
How could someone vanish from the face of this earth so easily and quickly? He was fine this morning.

It's still hard to believe.

The truth didn't sink in until I was in the porch, about to go to see Ann and the rest. My voice broke a little on the phone, but I managed to compose myself.
Then when I arrived at Oxford, Ann welcomed me with a hug and that broke down my barrier. I sobbed into her shoulder.
It was probably the first time she ever saw me cry in the 13 years we've been friends. I knew that man since I was 6.
We literally grew up with him.

He's been teaching me dance for almost 16 years. Bittersweet memories flourished the pages of my life.

And now he's gone.
Just like that.

I wished there was some kinds of warning beforehand.
This is all too sudden.

RIP Gino Miranda.
You will be very much missed.

February 07, 2010

Why Hello Again..

Still remember me?
Yes? No?

I wouldn't blame you~ I've been MIA for so long, I feel like I've been cut off from the world or something. T^T
My bloody hostel didn't have internet connection for almost a month, although they had said that we would get it by January. Well honey, it's February now, and the internet only got through today.

Anyways, the main point is that I'm still alive; yes, I haven't died or anything.
And damn, do I miss blogging. =D
I'll just put up a short entry I had typed up one of those days when I was feeling a little homesick and dancesick.
I've sorta gotten over the homesickness, but I'm still dance sick. I miss ballet sfm! T^T


I miss you girls so much. Looking back at the videos, it makes me feel melancholy, almost if I had taken every moment I spent there for granted; every moment in the studio was taken for granted.. I thought I always had next week.
Knowing that that week was my last, it was hard. I was smiling, laughing, but I really felt like crying. I felt like hugging everyone tighly, but that would cause me to completely break down and cry, and I hadn't wanted to make it seem like I was overemotional or something. I promised myself I wouldn't reminisce and cry, but it's hard NOT to think of the very thing you've been doing all your life when you have nothing to do here and are all alone.
Same with Ashley. I KNEW I would cry. But that morning, I was still half awake, so the emotions weren't really warmed up yet. But I did, silently, as soon as the car started moving. The moment I knew I was gonna leave everything and start a new life.
I won't be able to come for class during the CNY holidays; it's too short. But still, I hope we can meet up again sometime.

So yeah. I hadn't managed to join the dance club this semester; I swear the recruitment came and went so discreetly, I hadn't even known about it! So I'd definitely catch it next semester~! ^^
Instead, I had joined the Photography (they'd lend us those Canon cameras and teach us about photography; they'd LEND us the cameras! =D) and Drama & Public Speaking Club.

Oh, and another thing; I probably wouldn't update this blog as often anymore, seeing as there is close to no dance in my life anymore.. T^T
But please, comment on this post/ in my c-box to keep in touch! ^^

Till then, ciao~!