December 25, 2011

Christmas Post!

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  Merry Christmas all! =D

How did your Christmas countdown go? I'm typing this in my dance blog instead because my other one isn't working for some reason.. =.=

I had Christmas eve dinner at Hyatt, then countdown at the bar there called Chukka (Ashley: "No Vinegar ahh??" LOL. [For you non-Malay speakers out there, 'Cuka' literally means 'Vinegar' in Malay. So she was being sarcastic here.] ).

I found dinner just so-so though. Nothing too lavish. Unless you count the lobsters. (Or maybe it was because we came a bit late, so all the good food have gone) 

My dinner.

Lookit how much crab/lobster the guys had.

Dessert! Keke~

And Lika must have gotten her celebrations confused, because she kept playing this song on her iPhone:

And then she started searching for all the Indian-version songs she could find. And that included Itsy Bitsy Spider, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and Baa Baa Black Sheep. I died laughing.


After dinner we went to Chukka, and by then it was about 30 minutes to midnight. Not one of the best clubs, in my opinion, but meh. We had to make do.

Lika and I didn't drink much too. I was more 'disturbed' at the noise they were making (the band didn't even sing; most of the time they were just shouting and screaming), and the fact that the people only got really pumped up whenever the band sang Malay songs. O.o Then I got to know that Chukka really is a Malay-bar. No wonder. And we were wondering why there were so many Malays in the bar.

I arrived home at around 3 in the morning, smelling of smoke and half deaf. The highlight, though, was the little Christmas surprise. 

I really wasn't expecting anything like that, and I found it really sweet.^^ And then Lika told me that she had a part of this. LOL. I'm so gonna kill her. Out of love, of course. xD


I called 'her' Hye Su (meaning 'grace and beauty'), and cuddled her to sleep last night. ^^ Keke~

December 15, 2011

Vaganova Love.

Ok, so I'm a little pissed because I've typed up almost the complete entry to this post but then Chrome decided to crash on me and the only thing that 'saved' was my embedded video. Gahhh. =.=

So anyways... The Vaganova workshop was AWESOME. There was 2 Junior classes and 2 Senior classes, but since I registered late, the first Senior class was already full, leaving only ONE more place left for the other senior class. And I was lucky to have even cinched that spot. Also, the rest (Lika, Seow Hui and Ice) had opted to observe both Junior classes, and since the first Senior class was full, I thought I'd go observe it instead.

Hey, at least I'd get something out of it too!

Oh, and here's a little about the Russian Vaganova method:

The Vaganova method is a method of teaching classical ballet that was 
developed by Agrippina Vaganova in between 1922-1951. The Vaganova 
method includes the development of lower back strength and arm plasticity, 
and the requisite strength, flexibility and endurance for ballet. Its technique 
encourages dancers to move their arms, legs and torso together in perfect 
harmony. A strong torso is a necessity for the Vaganova method, as the torso 
forms the foundation of all movements.

And here was the schedule for said workshop:

For a workshop based on THE famous Vaganova Method, the fees are pretty darn cheap. But I admit, I was pretty nervous about dancing in public after about a year's hiatus from dancing. And no, the little dancing in between do not count.

The teacher/choreographers would be Ms Ena Hirose and Ms Jie Choong Wan-Chin.

Sad to say, I had no idea who they were before the workshop. *A*

The hotel was LOVELY, and I took to it immediately upon seeing it.

However when we observed the Junior class the next day, I got even more nervous. It was JUNIOR class, and already the bar was set up rather high. Seow Hui even joked that if THAT was Junior class, she was going to tell the teachers that she wanted to take up Pre-Primary class instead. xD

There was one little girl, though, that I think literally stole the hearts of everyone there. Little Alicia Poh. She was ADORABLE. The smallest of the Junior class, she was also one of the best. And one of the best at the variation they were taught too. I thought it was nice that they taught variations for both the senior and junior classes. Coming from Kuantan, we learn purely from syllabus and have no chance of otherwise properly learning any variation. The variation that the Juniors did was the Cupido variation from Don Quixote. Imagine little Alicia doing that. Eurgh I had cavities watching her. xD

I would post a video, but 1) We weren't allowed to take pictures/videos, and 2) I couldn't find any video in Youtube that was similar or the exact version of what they did. But yeah, search that variation up in Youtube and you'll get an idea what it looks like if you don't already know Cupido's variation.

Later that day was also the first Senior class; the one I would be observing. The things they taught, I hadn't expected any less, what with the grade and all. But what I WAS surprised was that during the variation, they allowed to do en demi pointe. Those who wanted to do it en pointe were welcome to do so, and if you think that you'd rather do it en demi pointe to get the steps first, you were welcome to do that also. So basically they had a choice.

The teachers said that the main aim of this workshop, other than to teach us the Vaganova methods of ballet, were, first and foremost, TO HAVE FUN.

She's having fun. Really.

Me? Heck, did you even have to ask? If I were given a CHOICE, of course I'd do it en demi pointe! xD

The second day, we only had one Junior class to observe, so things weren't so tiring. I was poofed the day before, and I hadn't even danced at that. I could imagine the others who danced. We also decided to take pictures with the teachers, so here it is:

Ms Ena (red shirt) and Ms Wan-Ching (far left)

And although we had literally an entire free day to ourselves, we spent most of it lazing around in the hotel room. Ice, on the other hand, spent it bugging the rest of us that she wanted to go swimming. We finally caved in to her (very noisy) demands at around midday at 4-ish. 

Only to find that:

1. We had to cross the mall to go to a lift that would take us to the pool (and we were clad only in bathrobes and hotel slippers on top of our swimming suits),
2. It was actually Fitness First's swimming pool, not the hotel's itself. But hotel guests could swim there.
3. ICE CAN'T SWIM. Yes, the person who had been bugging us since after the Junior observation that day couldn't actually swim.

We also found out, much to our horror, that the water was freezing, and later on, that it was filled with mucus. So we dubbed it 'Pei Si Sui' (Mucus Water). xD It was disgusting, so we never really lasted long in the pool after we found out. And then we also found out that the towels rented had a kind of damp, foul stench to it once it got wet.


On the last day though, and on the day I would be dancing, we found out previously that we'd be doing the same variation that was taught the other day; meaning that we'd be doing Kitri again. So we practised in the hotel room beforehand, and made do with whatever limited space we had.

I was excited to do the variation; it looked fun, although I knew it must have been really tiring because it's so fast.

But come middle of barre work, I was beginning to feel it's toll. one year's absence from dance really had it's effect on me as I felt my legs becoming weak and couldn't even last en demi pointe to do an ecarte.
But come center work, I felt much better. I figured it was the strengthening exercises that took a toll on my old muscles. ;p

I was most excited for variation... which then proved how much HARDER it actually was compared to how it looked. I was tired by then, and when you repeat the variation about 3 times, you get even more tired. And my toes were starting to hurt.
Actually, they felt like they might disconnect from the soles of my feet anytime.

And of course, the only pain I felt were my toes at that time, but I knew that my body had a slow reaction to almost everything. It wasn't until we got back in Kuantan early Thursday morning (around 1-2AM-ish) that I began to feel the pinch. My body ached from my hip down, and I could feel my muscles ache with every move I made. But at the same time, it felt GOOD to feel my muscles hurting. Nothing says 'you worked hard' better than aching muscles to come back to. ;p

P/S: I was lucky this time to be able to find the exact version of the Kitri Variation that we did in class:

And finally, some pictures of us after class! ^^

With Ms Ena Hirose^^

'Sor por' Ice.

With Ms Wan-Chin. ^^

November 07, 2011


Dear Mr Gino,

I still cry whenever I hear/see anything that reminds me of you, do you know that? My throat tightens and I have to fight back tears, and I have to revert my thinking before it leaks out of my eyes.

I still miss you so damn much.

Whenever I watch our Dance Drama performance, the words from 18:41 always make me think of you and make me tear up.

Why didn't you give me a chance to say goodbye?

October 10, 2011

My Dreams Are Trying To Tell Me Something Again...

I've been dreaming a lot about the old studio lately. First, I dreamt that Lika and I were dancing in the old studio.. like old times, as students. Only it wasn't Gino teaching. It was this lady, and she had another 'friend' or helper with her. Something like when Ms Chua would teach us back then I guess.

And then just two nights ago I dreamt that we were in the studio again, this time with Gino there. It felt as it did years ago, long before I joined Lika's class; like when I was still dancing with my group. But I hadn't danced... I guess I had either finished or something. The little girls were having class, and theirs was the last class for the day at nightfall.

After their class was done with, I remember Gino coming out of the room as he always does, to bid the parents and students goodbye. And I also remembered telling him I needed new soft shoes for the coming 'exam'. And I remembered that in the dream, my shoe size was 7 1/2. My shoes weren't particularly tight; I just needed new, clean ones for exam. And then I remembered trying it on.

It may not seem like much of a dream, but I thought I'd pen it down anyways because both dreams involved the old studio; which I terribly miss, by the way. I wish I could go up there for a visit one day and see what has become of the studio. 

September 10, 2011

Taking a break from studying, and this is what I happened to listen to.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were but I walked away 
If only I knew what I know today

I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away 
Thank you for all you've done 
Forgive all your mistakes 
There's nothing I wouldn't do 
To hear your voice again 
Sometimes I want to call you but 
I know you won't be there

I'm sorry for blaming you 
for everything I just couldn't do 
And I've hurt myself 
by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit 
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss 
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this

Would you tell me I was wrong? 
Would you help me understand? 
Are you looking down upon me? 
Are you proud of who I am? 
There's nothing I wouldn't do 
To have just one more chance 
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

I'm sorry for blaming you 
for everything I just couldn't do 
And I've hurt myself...

If I had just one more day, 
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away 
Oh, it's dangerous 
It's so out of line to try to turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you 
for everything I just couldn't do 
And I've hurt myself 
By hurting you

It's been... What, 1 1/2 years now?
And I feel that this song suits my situation the best. It never fails to make me cry whenever I hear this; it still does.

Because it still kills me that I never got a chance to say goodbye.
It kills me that the last you saw of me involved me saying goodbye to you at my last class before I came to uni.
It kills me, because I never got the chance to thank you for all you've done for me all these 16 years of Ballet.

And I don't think I'll ever get over that.
Knowing how much there was to say, yet... time was so cruel as to not grant us any.
Maybe if I had the chance... To see you one last time before you were gone forever, then maybe I wouldn't be having such a hard time.

Every time something happens to me that has to do with dance, you're the first person I think of. And I always wish you were still around for me to share that joy with.

Your phone number still remains in my phone. I never really got around to deleting it; and I think I probably never will, not as long as I still feel so emotionally attached.

But I don't mind.
But I do wonder sometimes, and hope, that should I call your phone number, will you pick up?
The answer is painfully obvious, because Mischa probably already deactivated your number. Call it a foolish thought.

But I'd like to think that now, even after all the commotion has died down, you are still watching over me. Over us.
Sometimes, I'd like to think that you're sending little signs my way to show that you're keeping watch over me, like that little rainbow last semester. It was a sign of hope for me, and I hope that you will continue giving out little signs to let me know that you've not completely gone.
Because sometimes, I could really use a comforting thought or two.

July 30, 2011

I Found My Heart Beating With A Familiar Ache...

The kind of longing ache that presents itself whenever I see any male member of our Dance Club dancing.

Ever since my passion for dance surfaced, it has been one of my main dreams to be able to dance with my partner. And I don't mean those crappy, sad attempts at using dance (if you even call it dancing) as a last resort to be on my good books. (And you wondered WHY I didn't seem happy.. tch.) Ok, enough about that..

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that it's always been something I want to do. Dancing with my boyfriend, I mean.  I don't know if it sounds selfish, but it would mean a lot to me. When you really DO have that special connection in real life, when you dance, if both parties put an effort to it, it will be beautiful. Not only the connection, but the partnership as well. Absolutely gorgeous.

See the passion and connection in this dance? Look how enticing it is.

Of course, I don't expect to dance that professionally with my partner. I've always dreamed of dancing a performance with my boyfriend, but even a slow dance would be enough.

Everytime I see a performance by the dance club, I so wished that my boyfriend was with me; to dance with me.

July 26, 2011

Lacking, As Usual..

Well I was supposed to post this the day after I dreamt it, but I got so caught up in other things that I only just remembered to pen it down now.

Epic fail, but yeah, whatever. ;p

Anyways, it has been.. I think about a week or so after the Dance Drama was over, and I had dreamt that along with the other dancers, I was learning Taeyang's Where You At choreography that we used in the drama. And surprisingly enough, in that dream, I knew at least 95% of the choreography. When I woke up, I found that I could remember most of the steps as well; and it's weird because I hadn't even learnt or tried those dance steps. Then to wake up and unconsciously know it almost as if were the back of my hand.. Wow.

The only dance I was sort of sure I knew, and which I also had never personally learnt; (meaning I had only mentally learnt the steps from watching it countless times during practise) was the 'I Gotta Feeling' dance, because it was fairly very easy.

But the most important thing is, I'M BACK and ready to start dancing again! =D

July 07, 2011

Just thought I'd post this. ;)

If any of you are using Blackberry... Here's the mobile version of my blog! ;)


Well I guess you could say that the Dance Drama was the best thing that happened to me this year.. dance-wise, that is. Since then, I've been dancing more and trying to get myself more involved with dance activities, and I love every second of it. I've met so many other dancers that I can learn so much from.

If I thought that Ballet so far has taught me discipline and determination, I have learnt even more about that after the drama. I've made friends who have become my dance family, language proving not a border when it comes to something you're passionate about. Once you're on the same level, linguistics aren't needed.

So I don't have to worry about breaking my promise anymore, Mr Gino. I will keep dancing, while you keep teaching the angels.

June 30, 2011

I Miss The Family Already.

And I mean my dancing family over here in Kampar. =)
When can we meet up, all of us, again?
Sometime other than the barbecue, mind you. Some can't come (me included). ;p

KitYin & BigJing



Jazzlyn, Nicholas & me

The Emo Dr Broccoli & Cauliflower xD

I miss you all to bits already.

June 28, 2011

What A Wonderful Night.

All the worries... All the sweat, tears and effort had all paid off.

Last night's show was a full house, and the response we got from the audience was AMAZING. I wish I could have gotten more pictures of last night; I felt like I wasn't doing it enough justice.

Dancers... Every single one of you were completely and utterly AWESOME. It touches me when we all work together to create something this successful.
Helpers and PA system people.. Thank you so much for your hard work. Without you, the show wouldn't have been able to go on.

And I think everyone agrees with me when I say that we must give huge credit to BigJing who pulled off all her dances flawlessly and with so much energy. 

So, to every single one of you that was involved in the making of this To Feel Again Dance Drama 2011, 


June 25, 2011

*Wipes tear*

These 3 days, we're having intensive practice for our dance drama. Most of the dances are done, and all that's left to do is polishing and getting the placings right on the actual stage.

I've mentioned in the previous post that Kityin's part made me all sappy and choked up. But for some reason, yesterday, when I watched Ah Yang's choreography to Wedding Dress, I got choked up as well for some reason. Tears actually welled up in my eyes and I had to blink it back.
I dunno, I guess I got a bit overwhelmed by it all.

I thought back to Gino, and how he would be proud to see all this. And when I watched Kityin dance her part again today, with full emotion and everything, I felt the tears well up again. I still feel my throat tighten now, as I write this.

The reason why it touches me so much is because I went through the similar situation as Kityin. All the years in my ballet class, I was one of the 'bad dancers'. Even when my passion grew, I still couldn't seem to be as good as my friends. I tried and tried, but I just couldn't seem to get it right. But then again, it was because I didn't let myself fully 'feel' the dance. I was too shy to, since I was called all sorts of things in class ('fat' hit me the hardest). Try as I might, I apparently didn't have what it took to be as good as the rest.

But when the passion began to hit me full force, and I just let that lead me, I improved. I'm not saying I'm 'Ms-High-And-Mighty' and whatnot, but I wasn't as bad. Lika was literally BigJing's role (Laura), because it was her that encouraged me to dance and made me love it so much that I couldn't live without it now.

Then when we were getting close to Gino, he passed away without me being able to say goodbye.

I still AM not the best dancer; in fact, I'd readily admit that BigJing and Kityin are probably better than me. Their spirit and dedication inspires me, in fact. they keep practising when others stop to rest... especially BigJing. She has to dance the most, and yet, when everyone is down and resting, she practises by herself.

Maybe it's the ballerina spirit and dedication, maybe not. But whatever it is, know that you both inspire me and made me realise what it takes to be a real dancer. ^^

BigJing & KitYin

June 11, 2011

Ok Go On, Let Me Hear It..

Tell me how lazy I am for not updating so long and for not dancing for so long.
Shame on me. *clicks tongue*

Today marked the first practice of the semester, although the one thing I disagree most about it is that, as it is, it remains the first practice of the semester. And our show is the end of this month. I would have preferred if we had more time to practice though. Perfect our dances and brush up our steps.

But that aside, it was a fun day. I may not be close to most of the people there (the only people that I really hung out with were Dominance, Ah Yang, KitYing & BigJing), when we got together, it was for a same reason: Dance. And for that, we could connect. Because of a same interest, for that few hours, I felt at home in almost a majority of people whom I otherwise rarely spoke to.

And we learnt other dances too. The choreographers of the other dances would teach us some basics, as would we. And most likely laugh at the other person's failed attempt. xD All in good humour, though.

But the one thing I wanted to highlight here is an irony. You see, with quite a number of people pulling out of the drama this semester due to different reasons, the storyline has been changed. And in this case, the point I wanted to specifically highlight was the fact that: KitYing is no longer the 'mother', but the 'friend' who loves dancing, but isn't good at it at first. So, because of this new storyline, we were required to come up with a new choreography and song, since it wasn't a 'sad' scene anymore, and they weren't 'mother and daughter'. So while the others were practicing their parts, BigJing, KitYing and I listened to songs to pick one that we think would suit the scenes.

The irony here is the song that we agreed on for the scene where KitYing supposedly was practicing and fell, and was on the verge of giving up.

It was Kiss The Rain by Yiruma.
Gino's Song.

I knew that particular scene was going to be special for me, but it hadn't really dawned on me until right before we went back, when BigJing and KitYing danced in front of everyone. When KitYing danced to the music in her scene, I felt choked up. It all came back to me again.

A dance about a girl's passion of dance, and of her disappointment of not being good enough. It sounds all too familiar. And the girl who helped the other girl to have confidence in herself; in my case, it was Lika (yes you, my bitch. xD). Gino, it's times like these that I wish you were still here.. I would have called you or at least messaged you and told you all about it. I would have shown you some of the steps when I went back to Kuantan. I know you would have definitely disapproved of the late practicing though. One month is too little for you as it is. Asking you to come back is, of course, unrealistic. But I still wished I could ask that of you.

When everyone started applauding both of them during the climax of the music in the second half of the scene (to a different song), I couldn't help but beam at them. I felt proud, they were both so hardworking and dedicated. I may not have done much (they came up with most of the choreography by themselves, actually), but still, I was happy and proud that their dance earned compliments everywhere. They deserved it.

I would have uploaded the videos I took, but that would give away what's in store for the dance drama. But I guess.. A non-related pic or two wouldn't hurt? ;)

EDIT: Ok, I couldn't resist. I've posted up the video of KitYing dancing to Yiruma's Kiss The Rain. After watching it countless times, I couldn't resist. It was just too inspiring not to. =]

April 28, 2011

I Still..

I still miss you, Mr Gino.

Please come down and smack me for my lack of dancing. I can't even remember the last time I properly danced Ballet anymore.

I'm getting stiff, and I'm losing my touch.

Come down and smack me with your hairbrush like you used to, eh?

April 03, 2011

It's Weird.

I have stopped properly dancing ballet for about a year now.

But I've only recently come to terms that since then, I'm a 'former ballerina', and a 'former part-time ballet teacher'. It kinda feels weird to admit that, because almost all my life, I've been a ballet dancer; and now I'm a 'former ballerina'?


As sad as it is, I know it's true. Yes, I still occasionally dance when I go back to Kuantan and sometimes in the studio in the gym room, but it's not a proper dance session. There is no teacher to supervise me, to correct me.

The students of course still remember me when I'm back home, and to them (bless them), I never left as a teacher. Sure, I was away for most of the time, but they still thought of me as their teacher. Hearing that (through chat, as sometimes they chat with me in Facebook) they still remember me and even miss me makes it a bit more bearable.

It's still hard to believe. Only when I start dancing with an instructor or start doing my CBTS  would I consider myself a ballerina again. It wouldn't be proper to claim myself that otherwise, because I've not danced for over a year already.

I'll always be a ballerina at heart, but until I start training properly with a proper teacher again, I'm officially a 'former' ballerina.

March 02, 2011

Scene List

Update on the dance drama thingy.

I'm 'casted' (can't find any other more appropriate word at the moment, so bear with me. I'm still blur from the meds I think) to dance in 3 scenes.

And to be truthful, even in my state (not completely recovered from food poisoning; I'm still a bit weak), I felt like I wanted to be in more scenes. Dance more. Heck, this feeling (of being weak) is only temporary. When I completely recover, I shouldn't have any problems, so yeah.
The more dances I'm in, the better. xD

On a sadder note, I haven't been able to get much dancing in lately either. I've been falling sick quite often this semester and I'm about 70% sure that it's because I haven't been getting enough rest. Plus, this semester's schedule leaves very little time to actually be dancing. So thank GOD for this dance drama.

February 12, 2011

I'm Guilty.

You know you're missing dance (A LOT) when you watch Step up 1's finale performance and get all choked up.

I hate that I'm so busy this semester that I hardly have time to go to the studio and dance.
The only thing keeping me sane this semester is the upcoming dance drama, To Feel Again. 

January 23, 2011

What Else Could This Be About?

If you've been reading my blog, I will spare you the bore by even mentioning what I've been missing.
But yeah.

Yesterday, we (as in my house mates and I) were supposed to bath and go to McD for wifi, since our house is still depleted of internet (and Chua next door has been so nice to us to give us stuff and let us use his internet temporarily).
But then, Rachel and Shangaree got too caught up dancing to Indian songs that the plan was canceled in the end because it was too late already. LOL. Their dance was hilarious, and I would have posted it here, but they'd probably come after me with a parang and cincang me to make human curry.
So yeah.


January 09, 2011

Something We Dug Up

Sooooo... Dancing, crapping, and a whole lot of other things aside, there were a few of Mr Gino's old stuff from the studio that Lika dug up and showed me.

Most were his old dance Gazettes, such as this one...

This Dance Gazette goes as far back as 1983!

Most of it though, were his music sheets and booklets from the musicals he's done back in the days.

He looks so short in comparison to the other guys.. xD

I may not have known him as well as others have, but it sure doesn't stop me from feeling proud of my Ballet teacher. ^^

Heehee. =B

 Yup, that was how long ago it was... 

Aww, one of his friends even autographed his booklet!

I'm so proud of my teacher~ *sniff* lol.

Oklahoma. One of the plays he mentioned to us most. ^^

Yay Gino~!^^

After all that digging up and looking through Gino's old stuff, we started talking about him again over lunch, remembering when we just found out about his condition. I was in uni when she called, and it had only been the second month that I was away, which gave quite the blow. It just shows how much can happen within such a short period of time, and why we should live each day to the fullest.

Oh yeah, I never mentioned what one of the reasons were for me going to the studio that day: to ask Lika for help in choreographing this dance I had to choreo for the upcoming Dance Drama in uni.

And if you know the things Lika and I tend to come up with... well, you know you'd be in for at least a smile. =p