I had a dream just the other day about Gino. And normally, it's either seeing him from a distance or just talking to him.
But last night's dream was different, I just realised. Last night, there was contact. For the first time ever since his death, I dreamt that I had some form of contact with him.
We were at a studio, and I think they were about to take their exam. It was definitely not Lika's studio though. It was all white in the waiting room, and very spacious. Lika had gone to fetch the 'examiner', as she normally would. And I was waiting at the studio.
Then he appeared, ala Sherlock's Reichenbach Fall. He looked no different from how he did before; only maybe a tad bit more presentable. =p I remember jumping out of my seat, exclaiming "teacher!" and immediately going up to hug him. He hugged me back tightly (I can still feel the hug even now), promising to explain everything to me after. I just nodded, hugging him back equally tight, throat constricted and 'tears flowing down my ample bosom', as he used to put it. =')
He left to go inside the studio after, and I remember Lika and I eating after that and her confessing that she knew all along that Gino hadn't really been dead. ><
I think I may know why we had contact in this dream; and such a solid one at that.
As part of the online course that I'm recently taking, one of the work was to 'spend 15 minutes writing a gratitude letter to a person in your life who you have never properly thanked.' Needless to say, I wrote to Gino and said everything I wish I could've said to him before he died.
Normally I'd just write to him occasionally and update him on what's been happening. I HAVE said that there were so many things I wished I could've said to him, but it was never specific.
That day though, I spilled everything out. Everything I wish I could've told him, everything I was thankful for.
So I'd like to think that it was Gino's way of telling me that everything is okay and that there were no hard feelings and that I'm forgiven. I believe it even more now, after my previous post.
A few years ago, when I was in a particularly hard spot and situation, I asked for a sign that everything would be ok; and he had sent me first a long rainbow, and then a double rainbow later that evening.
Thank you for this sign, Mr Gino. ♥
Showing posts with label Memories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Memories. Show all posts
July 20, 2014
June 23, 2014
A Bit of Superstition
Err hello.
Yeah I'm aware I haven't written here in the longest time; and trust me, it's not that there's nothing interesting in the Performing Arts department in my life to blog about ( well, maybe it's a little true). But I will say here that updates won't be as often as it once was.
But don't worry, as I will never abandon this blog, just as I will never abandon performing arts in my life.
If you've read my few previous posts, you'll know that it all has one thing in common: Mr Gino Miranda, my late ballet teacher.
So I'm sorry to tell you that this post will not be very different.
I just came across a post in Tumblr about what happens when we die as told by mediums. I can say that I'm a borderline superstitious person, as I've never really had a brush with 'the other side', as some might call it. But I'm open minded towards it.
One of the answered questions were:
And though I may have my doubts in the supernatural, that answer just sent a sense of contentment over me. Like I could literally feel as if a calming wave suddenly brushed through me on the inside.
For some reason it just felt calming and really assuring knowing that Gino had heard everything I've said to him. Yet, as I'm writing this, I realised that I also feel a sense of disappointment that there was no way for him to give me an answer. None that I know of, that is, unless you don't count the time a rainbow appeared after I asked him for a sign that everything was gonna be alright.
Yeah I'm aware I haven't written here in the longest time; and trust me, it's not that there's nothing interesting in the Performing Arts department in my life to blog about ( well, maybe it's a little true). But I will say here that updates won't be as often as it once was.
But don't worry, as I will never abandon this blog, just as I will never abandon performing arts in my life.
If you've read my few previous posts, you'll know that it all has one thing in common: Mr Gino Miranda, my late ballet teacher.
So I'm sorry to tell you that this post will not be very different.
I just came across a post in Tumblr about what happens when we die as told by mediums. I can say that I'm a borderline superstitious person, as I've never really had a brush with 'the other side', as some might call it. But I'm open minded towards it.
One of the answered questions were:
Can the dead hear me?
Yes, they can hear you all the time all your thoughts/feelings, even though you might not be able to hear them. Your loved ones maybe close to you as the air that surrounds you. They are not gone, they are just at another place.
And though I may have my doubts in the supernatural, that answer just sent a sense of contentment over me. Like I could literally feel as if a calming wave suddenly brushed through me on the inside.
For some reason it just felt calming and really assuring knowing that Gino had heard everything I've said to him. Yet, as I'm writing this, I realised that I also feel a sense of disappointment that there was no way for him to give me an answer. None that I know of, that is, unless you don't count the time a rainbow appeared after I asked him for a sign that everything was gonna be alright.
January 30, 2014
Christina Aguilera - Hurt
4th year on, and I still fall into heaving sobs when I hear this song.
The song itself hit home hard, and the video makes it even worse. The way Christina got the news in the MV was more or less the same way I received my news; only mine was by phone. (I will spare you the agony of re-living my story all over again... so if you want to know/read about my story, you can go here.)
Not having the chance to properly say goodbye to someone very dear to you is the worst thing ever. You tend to go through all the things you wish you had the chance to say, thinking that you could say it next time.
That, coupled with very dear memories, is literally sucking the life out of me whenever I hear this song. If I allow it, I could probably spend a good hour or so crying.
Yes, even now.
It's something that hasn't happened to me ever before this.
January 10, 2014
If You Could See Me Now...
It was February the fourteen, Valentine's Day
The roses came, but they took you away
Tattooed on my arm is a charm to disarm all the harm
Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone
And I'll never get to show you these songs
Dad, you should see the tours that I'm on,
I see you standing there next to Mom
Both singing along, yeah arm in arm
And there are days when I'm losing my faith
Because the man wasn't good he was great
He'd say music was the home for your pain
And explain, I was young, he would say
"Take that rage, put it on a page, Take the page to the stage, Blow the roof off the place"
I'm tryna make you proud
Do everything you did
I hope you're up there with God
Saying that's my kid
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
If you could see me now would you recognize me
Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me
Would you follow every line on my tear stained face
Put your hand on a heart that's was cold As the day you were taken away
I know it's been awhile but I could see you clear as day
Right now, I wish I could hear you say I drink too much and I smoke too much dutch
But if you can't see me now that shit's a must
You used to say I won't know a winner until it cost me
Like I won't know real love till I've loved then I've lost it
So if you've lost a sister, someone's lost a mom
And if you've lost a dad, then someone's lost a son
And they're all missing now, and they're all missing now
So if you get a second to look down at me now
Mum, Dad, I'm just missing you now
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
If you could see me now
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Oh... Oh...
Would you call me a saint or a sinner?
Would you love me a loser or winner?
Oh... Oh...
When I see my face in the mirrorWe look so alike that it makes me shiver
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
I still look for your face in the crowd
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow?
Oh if you could see me now (Oh if you could see me now)
Oh... You could see, you could see me now (You could see, you could see me now)
I remember one of my Facebook friends shared this, and I took a listen. The moment I realised what the lyrics were, I cried.
And I can tell you that I cried rather loud tears.
.. alone, of course.
Today, it's been raining the whole day, and this song was on my playlist. I felt my heart tighten and had to force back tears.
It feels even more melancholy listening to it when it's raining.
It's the 4th year, Mr Gino. And I still miss you like crazy. T____T
October 21, 2013
My 'Therapy' 3 Years Ago.
It's nice to know that my dance blog is finally getting revived after almost 5 months of abandonment. 
It's also nice to know that I seem to find inspirations (though often a few months too late) in the randomest things. Take right now, for example.
I'm packing my stuff to go to KL in a few hours for this Dance Anatomy and Kinesiology Workshop, and I come across this form of 'therapy' that I've used 3 years ago.
What is it, you ask?
This BOOK.
What is it, you ask?
This BOOK.
And what is this 'therapy', I hear you ask?
3 years ago, when I was in my first semester in university, Gino (my ballet teacher) passed away. Because everything happened so suddenly, and back then, I was still in the process of getting a hang of the stuff around there, it came as a huge shock, and it was hard for me to accept. It still is, even now.
So instead of crying my eyes out every now and then when I went to dance practices in the Dance Club there, or started listening to the syllabus music, I 'started therapy' on myself the best way I knew how; expressing it through writing. 
I would write these 'letters' to Gino, as if he could read it personally. I wrote them to him to tell him about how I've been doing, about how sorry I felt not being able to properly thank him for everything he's done for me.
Yes, I blurred the contents on purpose. ;p
Although I knew all too well that I would literally be writing to myself, it did help coping with the grief that much better.
Though I must say, I haven't written in it in 3 years. But just because I haven't written in the longest time, doesn't mean I'm completely over his death.
I just might write another entry in that book tonight; who knows?
April 17, 2013
Coincidence?
On the 9th of June, I will be going to KL to watch Men In Tutus. Lika and I were going on about it yesterday, which probably contributed to the dream.
I was at the old studio again (note how most dance dreams are at the old studio), and of course, Gino was teaching. First he was teaching some kids, and then, Lixian. Oddly though, she had a spiky 'do. O.o
Then I was supposed to go out with Seow Hui and Lika somewhere (to eat, probably), so I got ready my purse and all beforehand, leaving my ballet bag behind. But for some reason when it was time to go, I couldn't find my purse, the most important one. And the irritating thing was that every time I walked down the stairs, I would remember that I had forgotten to take something. ==
Then when we got back (I dunno how I went out with literally nothing with me), Gino was still teaching Lixian, and she was crying, but she was surprisingly optimistic. She said something like it was okay because after all, Gino wanted the best for her. O_o Wow, Lixian. =p
But the whole point is... up till today, I still miss Gino. VERY much so.
I was at the old studio again (note how most dance dreams are at the old studio), and of course, Gino was teaching. First he was teaching some kids, and then, Lixian. Oddly though, she had a spiky 'do. O.o
Then I was supposed to go out with Seow Hui and Lika somewhere (to eat, probably), so I got ready my purse and all beforehand, leaving my ballet bag behind. But for some reason when it was time to go, I couldn't find my purse, the most important one. And the irritating thing was that every time I walked down the stairs, I would remember that I had forgotten to take something. ==
Then when we got back (I dunno how I went out with literally nothing with me), Gino was still teaching Lixian, and she was crying, but she was surprisingly optimistic. She said something like it was okay because after all, Gino wanted the best for her. O_o Wow, Lixian. =p
But the whole point is... up till today, I still miss Gino. VERY much so.
March 28, 2013
3 Years After..
Today, my friends and I went to a Karaoke nearby.
When I arrived, they were already there and had already sang a couple of songs.
Most of it began with Backstreet Boys and a couple of Malay songs. As I was singing along to one of the songs, I saw one friend chose Christina Aguilera's Hurt. I stiffened a little, but then decided that I'd be okay as long as I didn't sing.
Well you guessed it. I got passed the mic to sing with one of my friends. Knowing that they'd bug me if I didn't sing, I took the mic quietly and sang.
I tried not to pay too much attention to the lyrics, and even then, I felt my throat tighten a little.
Then came the bridge.
"You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this... "
I choked.
I couldn't sing it.
I felt my tear ducts fill and hurriedly blinked it away before it could spill.
I pretended to be distracted with something, and just passed the mic over to another friend.
Most of the time, I realise, whenever I think of Gino, I get so upset because I miss how things were.
There have been so many things that have changed since Gino's passing, and I have to admit that I miss the old times. A LOT.
Back then, I guess you could say that I was more 'involved'. I had classes 2-3 times a week, and although it was professionally very little, I loved it. I also loved the company. The friends. That close bond we had.
Yes, HAD.
There have been so many who have gone their different ways that I feel I'm somewhat losing touch of the 'old memories'. Even those who are still here now have seemed to have sort of gotten over the grief a long time ago.
All I have is my blog to reminisce about the old memories; because I'm not boring anyone to death with my stories; anyone reading this can just close my page if they don't like what they're reading. And at this rate, I feel as if I'm the only one who still cries every time I hear songs that relate to him, and feel saddened even at the mere mention of him. I feel like I seem to be the only one who's heart breaks whenever I think back on those times.
Because everyone seemed to have moved on.
I dunno. Maybe it's just me and my 'attachment' issue.
Then again, back at the old studio was where most of my happy memories of dancing came from.
The old times.
I know change can be good in life.
Everyone needs a change now and then.
But this change has... disconnected me, if you will.
Priorities have changed. I daresay that some of the 'joy' has even... evaporated due to the change.
Now there is so much I've been missing out on, that I've become left behind. Different circumstances have also made me unable to keep up.
I left uni to come back and teach. And I know that in my current situation, I have to be patient, but...
I guess you could say I've lost touch. I am not needed to be as involved as I was. And back then, all I knew WAS being involved.
And all because I lack financially.
Haha.
If I was financially able, I would have learnt the new syllabus. I would have taken the qualification needed to take a teaching course. I would be able to pay my way through the course what with travel expenses and all. I would be able to get my certificate and be a certified teacher.
But I can't.
And it hurts me so fucking much.
I'm not getting any younger. The odds are getting thinner at me getting anything close to a dance career. And I don't mean in just ballet.
But of course, if it's possible I want a proper teacher; one with credible and proper experience; not those who just learn from music videos.
Well.
I've started rambling and going way out of the point now.
I guess all I'm trying to say is... I miss how things were. I miss my participation, and I miss the old company. It's just not the same.
When I arrived, they were already there and had already sang a couple of songs.
Most of it began with Backstreet Boys and a couple of Malay songs. As I was singing along to one of the songs, I saw one friend chose Christina Aguilera's Hurt. I stiffened a little, but then decided that I'd be okay as long as I didn't sing.
Well you guessed it. I got passed the mic to sing with one of my friends. Knowing that they'd bug me if I didn't sing, I took the mic quietly and sang.
I tried not to pay too much attention to the lyrics, and even then, I felt my throat tighten a little.
Then came the bridge.
"You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand? Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am? There's nothing I wouldn't do, To have just one more chance To look into your eyes and see you looking back"
"You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this... "
I choked.
I couldn't sing it.
I felt my tear ducts fill and hurriedly blinked it away before it could spill.
I pretended to be distracted with something, and just passed the mic over to another friend.
Most of the time, I realise, whenever I think of Gino, I get so upset because I miss how things were.
There have been so many things that have changed since Gino's passing, and I have to admit that I miss the old times. A LOT.
Back then, I guess you could say that I was more 'involved'. I had classes 2-3 times a week, and although it was professionally very little, I loved it. I also loved the company. The friends. That close bond we had.
Yes, HAD.
There have been so many who have gone their different ways that I feel I'm somewhat losing touch of the 'old memories'. Even those who are still here now have seemed to have sort of gotten over the grief a long time ago.
All I have is my blog to reminisce about the old memories; because I'm not boring anyone to death with my stories; anyone reading this can just close my page if they don't like what they're reading. And at this rate, I feel as if I'm the only one who still cries every time I hear songs that relate to him, and feel saddened even at the mere mention of him. I feel like I seem to be the only one who's heart breaks whenever I think back on those times.
Because everyone seemed to have moved on.
I dunno. Maybe it's just me and my 'attachment' issue.
Then again, back at the old studio was where most of my happy memories of dancing came from.
The old times.
I know change can be good in life.
Everyone needs a change now and then.
But this change has... disconnected me, if you will.
Priorities have changed. I daresay that some of the 'joy' has even... evaporated due to the change.
Now there is so much I've been missing out on, that I've become left behind. Different circumstances have also made me unable to keep up.
I left uni to come back and teach. And I know that in my current situation, I have to be patient, but...
I guess you could say I've lost touch. I am not needed to be as involved as I was. And back then, all I knew WAS being involved.
And all because I lack financially.
Haha.
If I was financially able, I would have learnt the new syllabus. I would have taken the qualification needed to take a teaching course. I would be able to pay my way through the course what with travel expenses and all. I would be able to get my certificate and be a certified teacher.
But I can't.
And it hurts me so fucking much.
I'm not getting any younger. The odds are getting thinner at me getting anything close to a dance career. And I don't mean in just ballet.
But of course, if it's possible I want a proper teacher; one with credible and proper experience; not those who just learn from music videos.
Well.
I've started rambling and going way out of the point now.
I guess all I'm trying to say is... I miss how things were. I miss my participation, and I miss the old company. It's just not the same.
January 09, 2013
I Saw....
This will just be a short little reminiscing post.
Yesterday, we had a Chinese New Year Yee Sang Preview Dinner at Vistana. As we were getting the program list ready, I noticed there was a performance titled 'The Wong Sisters'.
I knew that my Sales Manager knew Lixian and her sisters, so I asked if it was them performing tonight. She said yes.
I was excited to see Jermaine and Jovian again. Lixian has already gone back to ICOM, so she wouldn't be there, but all the same, I was very much looking forward to seeing Jovian and Jermaine again.
It has been TOO LONG.
Of course, they didn't notice me when they first got on stage to perform. I was sitting somewhere in the middle of the hall, and the lights were dimmed so it's definitely hard to recognise people from the stage.
But I couldn't NOT say hello; I didn't even know if I had a chance to meet them after the dinner, so I excused myself from the table and went to where they were beside the stage.
They were shocked to see me; probably they didn't expect to see me there.
The moment I saw them and their shocked faces, my mind immediately went back to Gino's studio. I was happy to see them, definitely, but at the same time, sad that the last I saw of them were at the old studio. So the memories tying me to them are of the old times at the studio.
They're both so tall and grown up now; when I left for uni, they were still small kids. SO MANY THINGS have changed since I left, and what I would do to turn back the time to when everything was as it was before.
It was nice meeting them. Although not long, I was happy seeing them for a few minutes.
Yesterday, we had a Chinese New Year Yee Sang Preview Dinner at Vistana. As we were getting the program list ready, I noticed there was a performance titled 'The Wong Sisters'.
I knew that my Sales Manager knew Lixian and her sisters, so I asked if it was them performing tonight. She said yes.
I was excited to see Jermaine and Jovian again. Lixian has already gone back to ICOM, so she wouldn't be there, but all the same, I was very much looking forward to seeing Jovian and Jermaine again.
It has been TOO LONG.
Of course, they didn't notice me when they first got on stage to perform. I was sitting somewhere in the middle of the hall, and the lights were dimmed so it's definitely hard to recognise people from the stage.
But I couldn't NOT say hello; I didn't even know if I had a chance to meet them after the dinner, so I excused myself from the table and went to where they were beside the stage.
They were shocked to see me; probably they didn't expect to see me there.
The moment I saw them and their shocked faces, my mind immediately went back to Gino's studio. I was happy to see them, definitely, but at the same time, sad that the last I saw of them were at the old studio. So the memories tying me to them are of the old times at the studio.
They're both so tall and grown up now; when I left for uni, they were still small kids. SO MANY THINGS have changed since I left, and what I would do to turn back the time to when everything was as it was before.
It was nice meeting them. Although not long, I was happy seeing them for a few minutes.
November 25, 2012
*insert expression of utmost belief here*
Wow. I'm speechless.
And for the first time (not in my life, but where my passion is concerned), it's not a good kind of speechless.
I feel like I've been betrayed constantly time and time again that I'm surprised I still get so surprised by it.
I really want to keep doing it, but it's hard when what you do is not even acknowledged, and you're treated so differently.
I do ONE thing that apparently stands in the way of me being actively involved, and I get isolated like this. When I DO participate actively and pour my time and blood and sweat into it, it gets overlooked and I still don't get recognition for my contributions.
Well I'm sorry I don't have enough money like the rest to continue my classes. I'm sorry I can't afford to go for courses and extra classes to 'better myself' up. Tch, if I HAD the money, you wouldn't even have to ask; the moment there's an opportunity, I'd grab it before you can even invite me.
It's VERY hard, I must say. When you're trying your best to get involved any way you can, but no one is taking you seriously, and they're instead treating you like you yourself had opted out.
NO.
The circumstances forced me to add another commitment into my life, in which you were the one who suggested in the first place.
I wanted to focus solely on what I love; it's the MAIN reason I stopped uni in the first place. But because it couldn't support me and my dad has been constantly on my case to get a 'better, well paying job', I was forced to put my commitments someplace else.
This situation is making me dread practises. But I know that I still LOVE my passion... if possible, even more so. It is the SITUATION that makes me dread it.
Also, what happened to all those talks from before in which you apparently 'stroked my ego' and compared me with the other? Where was the truth you told me passion-wise? Because I sure as hell ain't seeing it now.
I'm not sad, I'm not angry. I'm FUCKING DISAPPOINTED.
And you of all people KNOW that I hate people beating around the bush; if there is something that you're not happy with, fucking TELL ME.
Please.
우리는 그렇게 가까이하는 데 사용하지만, 그 날 후에 내가 녹음 시간을 착각하면 일이 예전의 상태로 돌아갈 수 없지 있습니다. 미안 해요, 심지어 내 결백을 보여 주겠다고하지만 이후 매우 다르게 나 치료를했습니다.
이 모든이 끝난 후 내 말 명심하게, 난 당신을 앉아이 이상 수행을 함께 얻을거야. 난 병이 모든 치료 빌어 먹게 피곤해. 이 유적의 관계를한다면, 그럴 수. 적어도 나는 정직이고 실제로 문제의 하단에 가져 오기를 원했습니다.
And for the first time (not in my life, but where my passion is concerned), it's not a good kind of speechless.
I feel like I've been betrayed constantly time and time again that I'm surprised I still get so surprised by it.
I really want to keep doing it, but it's hard when what you do is not even acknowledged, and you're treated so differently.
I do ONE thing that apparently stands in the way of me being actively involved, and I get isolated like this. When I DO participate actively and pour my time and blood and sweat into it, it gets overlooked and I still don't get recognition for my contributions.
Well I'm sorry I don't have enough money like the rest to continue my classes. I'm sorry I can't afford to go for courses and extra classes to 'better myself' up. Tch, if I HAD the money, you wouldn't even have to ask; the moment there's an opportunity, I'd grab it before you can even invite me.
It's VERY hard, I must say. When you're trying your best to get involved any way you can, but no one is taking you seriously, and they're instead treating you like you yourself had opted out.
NO.
The circumstances forced me to add another commitment into my life, in which you were the one who suggested in the first place.
I wanted to focus solely on what I love; it's the MAIN reason I stopped uni in the first place. But because it couldn't support me and my dad has been constantly on my case to get a 'better, well paying job', I was forced to put my commitments someplace else.
This situation is making me dread practises. But I know that I still LOVE my passion... if possible, even more so. It is the SITUATION that makes me dread it.
Also, what happened to all those talks from before in which you apparently 'stroked my ego' and compared me with the other? Where was the truth you told me passion-wise? Because I sure as hell ain't seeing it now.
I'm not sad, I'm not angry. I'm FUCKING DISAPPOINTED.
And you of all people KNOW that I hate people beating around the bush; if there is something that you're not happy with, fucking TELL ME.
Please.
우리는 그렇게 가까이하는 데 사용하지만, 그 날 후에 내가 녹음 시간을 착각하면 일이 예전의 상태로 돌아갈 수 없지 있습니다. 미안 해요, 심지어 내 결백을 보여 주겠다고하지만 이후 매우 다르게 나 치료를했습니다.
이 모든이 끝난 후 내 말 명심하게, 난 당신을 앉아이 이상 수행을 함께 얻을거야. 난 병이 모든 치료 빌어 먹게 피곤해. 이 유적의 관계를한다면, 그럴 수. 적어도 나는 정직이고 실제로 문제의 하단에 가져 오기를 원했습니다.
August 18, 2012
*insert bitter sigh here*
Hello.
It's been a very long while, I know.
And honestly, this post isn't gonna be a very cheery one either.
In a way, I guess it's good to know that... whenever I seem to be a little preoccupied in something else other than dance, something will happen that will remind me just how much I can't live without it.
It's as if every time I get sidetracked, someone up there (Gino, maybe?) will make something happen to make me realise WHY I'm doing what I am. WHY I'm sticking around. WHY I have to take another job for me to realise it.
Recently, I got a job offer at Vistana. Which is all good, but should I take it, I would have to stop teaching Ballet. And I guess you could say that I freaked out.
Silently, that is.
I managed to live without ballet for two years in Uni, but that was because there were other dances there that I could take to fill up the void space in me.
If you've read my other blog entries at any time, you will know how I always gush about dancing in general; not just ballet. The main reason that that's the only thing I rant about is because that's the only genre of dance that I know of.
Sadly.
So you can imagine how I feel when my friends are able to go for dance/ballet shows, performances, and courses, when I have to stay back, pretend it doesn't bother me as much as it does, and smile.
Do you have any idea how much it hurts that I can't go? How much it hurts when I hear my friends talking about what and how much they've learnt, and I have no clue whatsoever? Worse, that I can't even take classes to learn them, and have to rely on what I've learnt throughout my years with Gino - which although is VERY useful in most areas, lacks in some as well because he was never detailed?
Like now, regarding the new RAD syllabuses for Grades 1-3.
I only vaguely know it from the DVD I've watched. And like Lika has said numerous times, the videos can only be used for reference. So I hardly know the new syllabus. I only know the old one, having, of course, danced it myself.
There was a course recently in Singapore for these new grades. To teach the correct methods and steps of the dance.
And of course, I couldn't go.
It was too expensive for me.
So I still have no clue about the proper way of how it's done.
Yes, I could be spending most of my free time in the studio, observing and learning. But there's only so much I can let Lika do for me without feeling like I'm somewhat 'cheating'.. that I'm expecting her to teach me all this, for free.
So I'm back to square one.
All because I can't afford it.
Don't be mistaken; I'm not being unthankful here. I'm very much aware that I was able to go to the Vaganova workshop in November last year, and the very recent International Ballet Gala.
But that's just it. I have to fork out my own money to go to these events (bear in mind that there's also the travel expenses and the food money), and I've already used up so much.
True, I'm working now and even before I took up my recent receptionist job, but let's be honest here: the money I was making teaching ballet was barely able to cover up any expense whatsoever (because I was not doing it full time, and lack experience). If it was, I wouldn't have even considered taking another job. Teaching ballet alone was enough to make me happy.
And just when I was contemplating on whether I should stop teaching ballet for the time being and focus on my job as a receptionist, I saw Ice dancing today.
If anyone I know from the studio happens to read this, I'll confess this to you now: my heart hitched at my throat when I saw her dancing to Christina Perri's A Thousand Years, and I can honestly say that I knew, by watching her dance, that if I were to see her dance for real during the wedding performance, I'd cry.
I love performing, and I love dancing. But I am also VERY aware that I'm no Alina Somova or Maria Kochetkova. Heck, I'm not even close to Miko Fogarty.
They say that in dance, it doesn't matter how good you are; you just have to have the passion and the drive.
But what if you do; what IF, you just can't get enough 'sources' to help you improve?
Sure, I could buy a bunch of DVDs and books and stuff and learn from them. But with no one to correct me, how would I know that what I'm doing is not a wrong technique or something? I mean sure, it's ok if you just want to learn for fun. But to learn something wrongly; to learn the improper method, it would only be harder to correct in the future.
And I don't want that.
It's been a very long while, I know.
And honestly, this post isn't gonna be a very cheery one either.
In a way, I guess it's good to know that... whenever I seem to be a little preoccupied in something else other than dance, something will happen that will remind me just how much I can't live without it.
It's as if every time I get sidetracked, someone up there (Gino, maybe?) will make something happen to make me realise WHY I'm doing what I am. WHY I'm sticking around. WHY I have to take another job for me to realise it.
Recently, I got a job offer at Vistana. Which is all good, but should I take it, I would have to stop teaching Ballet. And I guess you could say that I freaked out.
Silently, that is.
I managed to live without ballet for two years in Uni, but that was because there were other dances there that I could take to fill up the void space in me.
If you've read my other blog entries at any time, you will know how I always gush about dancing in general; not just ballet. The main reason that that's the only thing I rant about is because that's the only genre of dance that I know of.
Sadly.
So you can imagine how I feel when my friends are able to go for dance/ballet shows, performances, and courses, when I have to stay back, pretend it doesn't bother me as much as it does, and smile.
Do you have any idea how much it hurts that I can't go? How much it hurts when I hear my friends talking about what and how much they've learnt, and I have no clue whatsoever? Worse, that I can't even take classes to learn them, and have to rely on what I've learnt throughout my years with Gino - which although is VERY useful in most areas, lacks in some as well because he was never detailed?
Like now, regarding the new RAD syllabuses for Grades 1-3.
I only vaguely know it from the DVD I've watched. And like Lika has said numerous times, the videos can only be used for reference. So I hardly know the new syllabus. I only know the old one, having, of course, danced it myself.
There was a course recently in Singapore for these new grades. To teach the correct methods and steps of the dance.
And of course, I couldn't go.
It was too expensive for me.
So I still have no clue about the proper way of how it's done.
Yes, I could be spending most of my free time in the studio, observing and learning. But there's only so much I can let Lika do for me without feeling like I'm somewhat 'cheating'.. that I'm expecting her to teach me all this, for free.
So I'm back to square one.
All because I can't afford it.
Don't be mistaken; I'm not being unthankful here. I'm very much aware that I was able to go to the Vaganova workshop in November last year, and the very recent International Ballet Gala.
But that's just it. I have to fork out my own money to go to these events (bear in mind that there's also the travel expenses and the food money), and I've already used up so much.
True, I'm working now and even before I took up my recent receptionist job, but let's be honest here: the money I was making teaching ballet was barely able to cover up any expense whatsoever (because I was not doing it full time, and lack experience). If it was, I wouldn't have even considered taking another job. Teaching ballet alone was enough to make me happy.
And just when I was contemplating on whether I should stop teaching ballet for the time being and focus on my job as a receptionist, I saw Ice dancing today.
If anyone I know from the studio happens to read this, I'll confess this to you now: my heart hitched at my throat when I saw her dancing to Christina Perri's A Thousand Years, and I can honestly say that I knew, by watching her dance, that if I were to see her dance for real during the wedding performance, I'd cry.
I love performing, and I love dancing. But I am also VERY aware that I'm no Alina Somova or Maria Kochetkova. Heck, I'm not even close to Miko Fogarty.
They say that in dance, it doesn't matter how good you are; you just have to have the passion and the drive.
But what if you do; what IF, you just can't get enough 'sources' to help you improve?
Sure, I could buy a bunch of DVDs and books and stuff and learn from them. But with no one to correct me, how would I know that what I'm doing is not a wrong technique or something? I mean sure, it's ok if you just want to learn for fun. But to learn something wrongly; to learn the improper method, it would only be harder to correct in the future.
And I don't want that.
December 15, 2011
Vaganova Love.
Ok, so I'm a little pissed because I've typed up almost the complete entry to this post but then Chrome decided to crash on me and the only thing that 'saved' was my embedded video. Gahhh. =.=
So anyways... The Vaganova workshop was AWESOME. There was 2 Junior classes and 2 Senior classes, but since I registered late, the first Senior class was already full, leaving only ONE more place left for the other senior class. And I was lucky to have even cinched that spot. Also, the rest (Lika, Seow Hui and Ice) had opted to observe both Junior classes, and since the first Senior class was full, I thought I'd go observe it instead.
Hey, at least I'd get something out of it too!
Oh, and here's a little about the Russian Vaganova method:
And here was the schedule for said workshop:
For a workshop based on THE famous Vaganova Method, the fees are pretty darn cheap. But I admit, I was pretty nervous about dancing in public after about a year's hiatus from dancing. And no, the little dancing in between do not count.
The teacher/choreographers would be Ms Ena Hirose and Ms Jie Choong Wan-Chin.
The hotel was LOVELY, and I took to it immediately upon seeing it.
However when we observed the Junior class the next day, I got even more nervous. It was JUNIOR class, and already the bar was set up rather high. Seow Hui even joked that if THAT was Junior class, she was going to tell the teachers that she wanted to take up Pre-Primary class instead. xD
There was one little girl, though, that I think literally stole the hearts of everyone there. Little Alicia Poh. She was ADORABLE. The smallest of the Junior class, she was also one of the best. And one of the best at the variation they were taught too. I thought it was nice that they taught variations for both the senior and junior classes. Coming from Kuantan, we learn purely from syllabus and have no chance of otherwise properly learning any variation. The variation that the Juniors did was the Cupido variation from Don Quixote. Imagine little Alicia doing that. Eurgh I had cavities watching her. xD
I would post a video, but 1) We weren't allowed to take pictures/videos, and 2) I couldn't find any video in Youtube that was similar or the exact version of what they did. But yeah, search that variation up in Youtube and you'll get an idea what it looks like if you don't already know Cupido's variation.
Later that day was also the first Senior class; the one I would be observing. The things they taught, I hadn't expected any less, what with the grade and all. But what I WAS surprised was that during the variation, they allowed to do en demi pointe. Those who wanted to do it en pointe were welcome to do so, and if you think that you'd rather do it en demi pointe to get the steps first, you were welcome to do that also. So basically they had a choice.
The teachers said that the main aim of this workshop, other than to teach us the Vaganova methods of ballet, were, first and foremost, TO HAVE FUN.
Me? Heck, did you even have to ask? If I were given a CHOICE, of course I'd do it en demi pointe! xD
The second day, we only had one Junior class to observe, so things weren't so tiring. I was poofed the day before, and I hadn't even danced at that. I could imagine the others who danced. We also decided to take pictures with the teachers, so here it is:
And although we had literally an entire free day to ourselves, we spent most of it lazing around in the hotel room. Ice, on the other hand, spent it bugging the rest of us that she wanted to go swimming. We finally caved in to her (very noisy) demands at around midday at 4-ish.
Only to find that:
1. We had to cross the mall to go to a lift that would take us to the pool (and we were clad only in bathrobes and hotel slippers on top of our swimming suits),
2. It was actually Fitness First's swimming pool, not the hotel's itself. But hotel guests could swim there.
and
3. ICE CAN'T SWIM. Yes, the person who had been bugging us since after the Junior observation that day couldn't actually swim.
We also found out, much to our horror, that the water was freezing, and later on, that it was filled with mucus. So we dubbed it 'Pei Si Sui' (Mucus Water). xD It was disgusting, so we never really lasted long in the pool after we found out. And then we also found out that the towels rented had a kind of damp, foul stench to it once it got wet.
Eeew.
On the last day though, and on the day I would be dancing, we found out previously that we'd be doing the same variation that was taught the other day; meaning that we'd be doing Kitri again. So we practised in the hotel room beforehand, and made do with whatever limited space we had.
I was excited to do the variation; it looked fun, although I knew it must have been really tiring because it's so fast.
But come middle of barre work, I was beginning to feel it's toll. one year's absence from dance really had it's effect on me as I felt my legs becoming weak and couldn't even last en demi pointe to do an ecarte.
But come center work, I felt much better. I figured it was the strengthening exercises that took a toll on my old muscles. ;p
I was most excited for variation... which then proved how much HARDER it actually was compared to how it looked. I was tired by then, and when you repeat the variation about 3 times, you get even more tired. And my toes were starting to hurt.
Actually, they felt like they might disconnect from the soles of my feet anytime.
And of course, the only pain I felt were my toes at that time, but I knew that my body had a slow reaction to almost everything. It wasn't until we got back in Kuantan early Thursday morning (around 1-2AM-ish) that I began to feel the pinch. My body ached from my hip down, and I could feel my muscles ache with every move I made. But at the same time, it felt GOOD to feel my muscles hurting. Nothing says 'you worked hard' better than aching muscles to come back to. ;p
P/S: I was lucky this time to be able to find the exact version of the Kitri Variation that we did in class:
And finally, some pictures of us after class! ^^
So anyways... The Vaganova workshop was AWESOME. There was 2 Junior classes and 2 Senior classes, but since I registered late, the first Senior class was already full, leaving only ONE more place left for the other senior class. And I was lucky to have even cinched that spot. Also, the rest (Lika, Seow Hui and Ice) had opted to observe both Junior classes, and since the first Senior class was full, I thought I'd go observe it instead.
Hey, at least I'd get something out of it too!
Oh, and here's a little about the Russian Vaganova method:
The Vaganova method is a method of teaching classical ballet that was
developed by Agrippina Vaganova in between 1922-1951. The Vaganova
method includes the development of lower back strength and arm plasticity,
and the requisite strength, flexibility and endurance for ballet. Its technique
encourages dancers to move their arms, legs and torso together in perfect
harmony. A strong torso is a necessity for the Vaganova method, as the torso
forms the foundation of all movements.
And here was the schedule for said workshop:
For a workshop based on THE famous Vaganova Method, the fees are pretty darn cheap. But I admit, I was pretty nervous about dancing in public after about a year's hiatus from dancing. And no, the little dancing in between do not count.
The teacher/choreographers would be Ms Ena Hirose and Ms Jie Choong Wan-Chin.
Sad to say, I had no idea who they were before the workshop. *A*
The hotel was LOVELY, and I took to it immediately upon seeing it.
However when we observed the Junior class the next day, I got even more nervous. It was JUNIOR class, and already the bar was set up rather high. Seow Hui even joked that if THAT was Junior class, she was going to tell the teachers that she wanted to take up Pre-Primary class instead. xD
There was one little girl, though, that I think literally stole the hearts of everyone there. Little Alicia Poh. She was ADORABLE. The smallest of the Junior class, she was also one of the best. And one of the best at the variation they were taught too. I thought it was nice that they taught variations for both the senior and junior classes. Coming from Kuantan, we learn purely from syllabus and have no chance of otherwise properly learning any variation. The variation that the Juniors did was the Cupido variation from Don Quixote. Imagine little Alicia doing that. Eurgh I had cavities watching her. xD
I would post a video, but 1) We weren't allowed to take pictures/videos, and 2) I couldn't find any video in Youtube that was similar or the exact version of what they did. But yeah, search that variation up in Youtube and you'll get an idea what it looks like if you don't already know Cupido's variation.
Later that day was also the first Senior class; the one I would be observing. The things they taught, I hadn't expected any less, what with the grade and all. But what I WAS surprised was that during the variation, they allowed to do en demi pointe. Those who wanted to do it en pointe were welcome to do so, and if you think that you'd rather do it en demi pointe to get the steps first, you were welcome to do that also. So basically they had a choice.
The teachers said that the main aim of this workshop, other than to teach us the Vaganova methods of ballet, were, first and foremost, TO HAVE FUN.
She's having fun. Really.
Me? Heck, did you even have to ask? If I were given a CHOICE, of course I'd do it en demi pointe! xD
The second day, we only had one Junior class to observe, so things weren't so tiring. I was poofed the day before, and I hadn't even danced at that. I could imagine the others who danced. We also decided to take pictures with the teachers, so here it is:
Ms Ena (red shirt) and Ms Wan-Ching (far left)
And although we had literally an entire free day to ourselves, we spent most of it lazing around in the hotel room. Ice, on the other hand, spent it bugging the rest of us that she wanted to go swimming. We finally caved in to her (very noisy) demands at around midday at 4-ish.
Only to find that:
1. We had to cross the mall to go to a lift that would take us to the pool (and we were clad only in bathrobes and hotel slippers on top of our swimming suits),
2. It was actually Fitness First's swimming pool, not the hotel's itself. But hotel guests could swim there.
and
3. ICE CAN'T SWIM. Yes, the person who had been bugging us since after the Junior observation that day couldn't actually swim.
We also found out, much to our horror, that the water was freezing, and later on, that it was filled with mucus. So we dubbed it 'Pei Si Sui' (Mucus Water). xD It was disgusting, so we never really lasted long in the pool after we found out. And then we also found out that the towels rented had a kind of damp, foul stench to it once it got wet.
Eeew.
On the last day though, and on the day I would be dancing, we found out previously that we'd be doing the same variation that was taught the other day; meaning that we'd be doing Kitri again. So we practised in the hotel room beforehand, and made do with whatever limited space we had.
I was excited to do the variation; it looked fun, although I knew it must have been really tiring because it's so fast.
But come middle of barre work, I was beginning to feel it's toll. one year's absence from dance really had it's effect on me as I felt my legs becoming weak and couldn't even last en demi pointe to do an ecarte.
But come center work, I felt much better. I figured it was the strengthening exercises that took a toll on my old muscles. ;p
I was most excited for variation... which then proved how much HARDER it actually was compared to how it looked. I was tired by then, and when you repeat the variation about 3 times, you get even more tired. And my toes were starting to hurt.
Actually, they felt like they might disconnect from the soles of my feet anytime.
And of course, the only pain I felt were my toes at that time, but I knew that my body had a slow reaction to almost everything. It wasn't until we got back in Kuantan early Thursday morning (around 1-2AM-ish) that I began to feel the pinch. My body ached from my hip down, and I could feel my muscles ache with every move I made. But at the same time, it felt GOOD to feel my muscles hurting. Nothing says 'you worked hard' better than aching muscles to come back to. ;p
P/S: I was lucky this time to be able to find the exact version of the Kitri Variation that we did in class:
And finally, some pictures of us after class! ^^
With Ms Ena Hirose^^
'Sor por' Ice.
With Ms Wan-Chin. ^^
November 07, 2011
Dear....
Dear Mr Gino,
I still cry whenever I hear/see anything that reminds me of you, do you know that? My throat tightens and I have to fight back tears, and I have to revert my thinking before it leaks out of my eyes.
I still miss you so damn much.
Whenever I watch our Dance Drama performance, the words from 18:41 always make me think of you and make me tear up.
Why didn't you give me a chance to say goodbye?
I still cry whenever I hear/see anything that reminds me of you, do you know that? My throat tightens and I have to fight back tears, and I have to revert my thinking before it leaks out of my eyes.
I still miss you so damn much.
Whenever I watch our Dance Drama performance, the words from 18:41 always make me think of you and make me tear up.
Why didn't you give me a chance to say goodbye?
October 10, 2011
My Dreams Are Trying To Tell Me Something Again...
I've been dreaming a lot about the old studio lately. First, I dreamt that Lika and I were dancing in the old studio.. like old times, as students. Only it wasn't Gino teaching. It was this lady, and she had another 'friend' or helper with her. Something like when Ms Chua would teach us back then I guess.
And then just two nights ago I dreamt that we were in the studio again, this time with Gino there. It felt as it did years ago, long before I joined Lika's class; like when I was still dancing with my group. But I hadn't danced... I guess I had either finished or something. The little girls were having class, and theirs was the last class for the day at nightfall.
After their class was done with, I remember Gino coming out of the room as he always does, to bid the parents and students goodbye. And I also remembered telling him I needed new soft shoes for the coming 'exam'. And I remembered that in the dream, my shoe size was 7 1/2. My shoes weren't particularly tight; I just needed new, clean ones for exam. And then I remembered trying it on.
It may not seem like much of a dream, but I thought I'd pen it down anyways because both dreams involved the old studio; which I terribly miss, by the way. I wish I could go up there for a visit one day and see what has become of the studio.
September 10, 2011
Taking a break from studying, and this is what I happened to listen to.
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but
I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you
for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
I'm sorry for blaming you
for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself...
If I had just one more day,
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away
Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line to try to turn back time
I'm sorry for blaming you
for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you
It's been... What, 1 1/2 years now?
And I feel that this song suits my situation the best. It never fails to make me cry whenever I hear this; it still does.
Because it still kills me that I never got a chance to say goodbye.
It kills me that the last you saw of me involved me saying goodbye to you at my last class before I came to uni.
It kills me, because I never got the chance to thank you for all you've done for me all these 16 years of Ballet.
And I don't think I'll ever get over that.
Knowing how much there was to say, yet... time was so cruel as to not grant us any.
Maybe if I had the chance... To see you one last time before you were gone forever, then maybe I wouldn't be having such a hard time.
Every time something happens to me that has to do with dance, you're the first person I think of. And I always wish you were still around for me to share that joy with.
Your phone number still remains in my phone. I never really got around to deleting it; and I think I probably never will, not as long as I still feel so emotionally attached.
But I don't mind.
But I do wonder sometimes, and hope, that should I call your phone number, will you pick up?
The answer is painfully obvious, because Mischa probably already deactivated your number. Call it a foolish thought.
But I'd like to think that now, even after all the commotion has died down, you are still watching over me. Over us.
Sometimes, I'd like to think that you're sending little signs my way to show that you're keeping watch over me, like that little rainbow last semester. It was a sign of hope for me, and I hope that you will continue giving out little signs to let me know that you've not completely gone.
Because sometimes, I could really use a comforting thought or two.
July 07, 2011
Improvement.
Well I guess you could say that the Dance Drama was the best thing that happened to me this year.. dance-wise, that is. Since then, I've been dancing more and trying to get myself more involved with dance activities, and I love every second of it. I've met so many other dancers that I can learn so much from.
If I thought that Ballet so far has taught me discipline and determination, I have learnt even more about that after the drama. I've made friends who have become my dance family, language proving not a border when it comes to something you're passionate about. Once you're on the same level, linguistics aren't needed.
So I don't have to worry about breaking my promise anymore, Mr Gino. I will keep dancing, while you keep teaching the angels.
If I thought that Ballet so far has taught me discipline and determination, I have learnt even more about that after the drama. I've made friends who have become my dance family, language proving not a border when it comes to something you're passionate about. Once you're on the same level, linguistics aren't needed.
So I don't have to worry about breaking my promise anymore, Mr Gino. I will keep dancing, while you keep teaching the angels.
June 30, 2011
I Miss The Family Already.
And I mean my dancing family over here in Kampar. =)
When can we meet up, all of us, again?
Sometime other than the barbecue, mind you. Some can't come (me included). ;p
When can we meet up, all of us, again?
Sometime other than the barbecue, mind you. Some can't come (me included). ;p
KitYin & BigJing
RED BULL! ;D
BigJing
Jazzlyn, Nicholas & me
The Emo Dr Broccoli & Cauliflower xD
I miss you all to bits already.
June 11, 2011
Ok Go On, Let Me Hear It..
Tell me how lazy I am for not updating so long and for not dancing for so long.
Shame on me. *clicks tongue*
Today marked the first practice of the semester, although the one thing I disagree most about it is that, as it is, it remains the first practice of the semester. And our show is the end of this month. I would have preferred if we had more time to practice though. Perfect our dances and brush up our steps.
But that aside, it was a fun day. I may not be close to most of the people there (the only people that I really hung out with were Dominance, Ah Yang, KitYing & BigJing), when we got together, it was for a same reason: Dance. And for that, we could connect. Because of a same interest, for that few hours, I felt at home in almost a majority of people whom I otherwise rarely spoke to.
And we learnt other dances too. The choreographers of the other dances would teach us some basics, as would we. And most likely laugh at the other person's failed attempt. xD All in good humour, though.
But the one thing I wanted to highlight here is an irony. You see, with quite a number of people pulling out of the drama this semester due to different reasons, the storyline has been changed. And in this case, the point I wanted to specifically highlight was the fact that: KitYing is no longer the 'mother', but the 'friend' who loves dancing, but isn't good at it at first. So, because of this new storyline, we were required to come up with a new choreography and song, since it wasn't a 'sad' scene anymore, and they weren't 'mother and daughter'. So while the others were practicing their parts, BigJing, KitYing and I listened to songs to pick one that we think would suit the scenes.
The irony here is the song that we agreed on for the scene where KitYing supposedly was practicing and fell, and was on the verge of giving up.
It was Kiss The Rain by Yiruma.
Gino's Song.
I knew that particular scene was going to be special for me, but it hadn't really dawned on me until right before we went back, when BigJing and KitYing danced in front of everyone. When KitYing danced to the music in her scene, I felt choked up. It all came back to me again.
A dance about a girl's passion of dance, and of her disappointment of not being good enough. It sounds all too familiar. And the girl who helped the other girl to have confidence in herself; in my case, it was Lika (yes you, my bitch. xD). Gino, it's times like these that I wish you were still here.. I would have called you or at least messaged you and told you all about it. I would have shown you some of the steps when I went back to Kuantan. I know you would have definitely disapproved of the late practicing though. One month is too little for you as it is. Asking you to come back is, of course, unrealistic. But I still wished I could ask that of you.
When everyone started applauding both of them during the climax of the music in the second half of the scene (to a different song), I couldn't help but beam at them. I felt proud, they were both so hardworking and dedicated. I may not have done much (they came up with most of the choreography by themselves, actually), but still, I was happy and proud that their dance earned compliments everywhere. They deserved it.
I would have uploaded the videos I took, but that would give away what's in store for the dance drama. But I guess.. A non-related pic or two wouldn't hurt? ;)
Shame on me. *clicks tongue*
Today marked the first practice of the semester, although the one thing I disagree most about it is that, as it is, it remains the first practice of the semester. And our show is the end of this month. I would have preferred if we had more time to practice though. Perfect our dances and brush up our steps.
But that aside, it was a fun day. I may not be close to most of the people there (the only people that I really hung out with were Dominance, Ah Yang, KitYing & BigJing), when we got together, it was for a same reason: Dance. And for that, we could connect. Because of a same interest, for that few hours, I felt at home in almost a majority of people whom I otherwise rarely spoke to.
And we learnt other dances too. The choreographers of the other dances would teach us some basics, as would we. And most likely laugh at the other person's failed attempt. xD All in good humour, though.
But the one thing I wanted to highlight here is an irony. You see, with quite a number of people pulling out of the drama this semester due to different reasons, the storyline has been changed. And in this case, the point I wanted to specifically highlight was the fact that: KitYing is no longer the 'mother', but the 'friend' who loves dancing, but isn't good at it at first. So, because of this new storyline, we were required to come up with a new choreography and song, since it wasn't a 'sad' scene anymore, and they weren't 'mother and daughter'. So while the others were practicing their parts, BigJing, KitYing and I listened to songs to pick one that we think would suit the scenes.
The irony here is the song that we agreed on for the scene where KitYing supposedly was practicing and fell, and was on the verge of giving up.
It was Kiss The Rain by Yiruma.
Gino's Song.
I knew that particular scene was going to be special for me, but it hadn't really dawned on me until right before we went back, when BigJing and KitYing danced in front of everyone. When KitYing danced to the music in her scene, I felt choked up. It all came back to me again.
A dance about a girl's passion of dance, and of her disappointment of not being good enough. It sounds all too familiar. And the girl who helped the other girl to have confidence in herself; in my case, it was Lika (yes you, my bitch. xD). Gino, it's times like these that I wish you were still here.. I would have called you or at least messaged you and told you all about it. I would have shown you some of the steps when I went back to Kuantan. I know you would have definitely disapproved of the late practicing though. One month is too little for you as it is. Asking you to come back is, of course, unrealistic. But I still wished I could ask that of you.
When everyone started applauding both of them during the climax of the music in the second half of the scene (to a different song), I couldn't help but beam at them. I felt proud, they were both so hardworking and dedicated. I may not have done much (they came up with most of the choreography by themselves, actually), but still, I was happy and proud that their dance earned compliments everywhere. They deserved it.
I would have uploaded the videos I took, but that would give away what's in store for the dance drama. But I guess.. A non-related pic or two wouldn't hurt? ;)
EDIT: Ok, I couldn't resist. I've posted up the video of KitYing dancing to Yiruma's Kiss The Rain. After watching it countless times, I couldn't resist. It was just too inspiring not to. =]
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