I Think Too Much.... I Think.

I think I may be thinking too much over this whole 'wanting to see Mr Gino' thingy. Why? Because the day before yesterday, there was a problem with the internet connection (ooh, big surprise.. *sarcasm*), so I couldn't go online. So instead, I decided to play some RAD Ballet songs.
I went to my WMP library, searched the grade I felt like listening to, and pressed play. At first, I thought I heard as if another music was playing in the background. Oh, and I should probably mention that my laptop was on my study desk, right in front of the window. So I approached my laptop to check if I had left any other music on.
Nope.

As I turned, to walk away, though, I thought I heard someone whistling to the music. Eyebrows furrowed, I turned to my laptop again; the faint whistling can still be heard.
Then, as suddenly as the whistling started, it stopped. I shrugged it off as me hearing things, but of course, deep inside, I wanted to believe that it was really Mr Gino whistling. But then I thought, Gino doesn't whistle.. He sings. xD But still.

I didn't think much of it, but now that I do...

I was listening to Grade 5.
Grade 5 was one of the grades where Mr Gino was most relaxed; in other words, yes, he did scold them, but it was one of the classes where he joked around most.
Grade 5 was the grade where, in my opinion, we felt most close to, other than Intermediate/IF.

Was I really imagining things?

Yay~ Good News! ^^

I GOT IN THE DANCE CLUUUUBBBBBBBBBB~!!!


That is all. =3 xD

Someone's watching over me...

I'm sorry, this will be another emo post.

I knew since the day of his passing that looking back might be a bad idea. But then again, pretending it never happened and completely forgetting would be more of a sin. But looking back has always brought me to tears.

Things are gonna get really emotional (at least for me) beyond this point, but hey, I thought that if I was gonna do some crying, might as well go full frontal, eh?

He never forgot me. My 2nd-3rd week in Kampar, he messaged me.

P/S: I'm writing the message as it is; spelling and all.

13/01/10.
12.41 PM
"Hi ! Hows groovy Kampar treatng u??
Tried d K.Chick biscoitu ! Careful dont eat
too mch u mite fnd feathrs growng on yor Lips.
Wil mis my kristal packing Mamma.
Take care."

After all these years of writing my name in the receipts, he still couldn't spell my name properly. Oh Gino.. I will always be your 'Kristal packing Mamma'.

13/01/10
12.54 PM
"Ah nevr mind - we love to have u in clas - mite
even 4 yor sake comduct d clas in classial Thai!!!"

Well, we all know that that promise never came to be. What I would give to hear his rubbish Thai one last time..

21/01/10
2.11 PM
"Hi I got hear u got speakng on d fon wth Rokiah n she also got abt yor 3 roomates - 2 archiperlehs n 1 chunglungs n all 3 suffers frm verbal diarrhoea. Also mayb u not com hme 4 CNY - n got say u wept bitterly n yor tears flowng down on yor ample bosom - so sorrow. Oh I'm mortified teachnh C'nita G6 C'ractr - making noncnce of d Syllabus n feel like weepng n let d tears flow dwn my kukuchye.
Seeing 2day at 3.45pm. H...E...L..P"

I've always shook my head over his choice of words.. They were nothing short of dirty, but that was what made us like him. He was open. VERY open at that.

Then one of the times he was sick, he sent Lika a message, which she forwarded to me:

08/11/09
10.40 PM
"Rokia do u think u could manage w/out me 4 another week. I'm improving but very slowly - taking G'seng-Esnce of Chickn. If u feel too stressful its ok I'll cancel my thorough chck-up at d Hosp. Anyway by Tues. I can courous enpointe 2 d'toilette then I'll courous to Puduraya. Sakit mau mati can joke-joke."

I think that this would be the message both Lika and I will be killing ourselves over for, for not taking his sickness seriously.
He has been sick before in the past, so I think it never really crossed our minds how serious it was this time. I'm sorry, Mr Gino. If only we knew.

I have a few other messages from him in my other phone, so maybe I'll save those messages for next time. But until then, I'm still waiting for a sign of some sort that he's up in heaven, still shaking his head and watching over his Kristal packing Mamma.

Disappointing? Uh oh.

Lika messaged me this morning and told me that the Bridal performance last night was slightly disappointing.

The students forgot steps, and the stage layout didn't help much either. It was weirdly built, slightly too low, resulting in the kids getting distracted.

>____<

I know they're little and all, but they've performed several times before and they've got through it.
Hmm.

Performance practises again

I feel sorry that I wouldn't be able to be there for their performance next week.
Things have changed so much since I left. There are so many new students, and it feels like I'm the one who has to get to know them now, not the other way round.
Yes, they still call me 'teacher', but I feel so disconnected to them now. I don't teach them anymore; Seow Hui does. She's become one of the real teachers, while I'm just someone who comes in when I happen to be on break. I used to 'freelance', if you will, though not anymore. I was gone for 5 months, and already there are so many new faces.
They warm up to me pretty quickly though, but that's not the point.
I want to teach again. I want to be able to reconnect with them, and rebuild that rapport. Now, they only see me a few times, and I'm gone again. I come and go. I want to somewhat be a permanent teacher in these students' lives.
I miss it.

'Teaching' Max (and now Edward) are not the same, although fun nonetheless. It's bittersweet when you leave them, then come back to find how much they've grown in that short period of time. I almost feel.. motherly about it.
Dammit.

*cough* Now that I've emo-ed enough, on to the videos and pictures^^

Argh, memories makes me wanna cry. T^T

Yesterday, I went to the old studio. Lika said she had wanted to clear some stuff up (in addition to asking me some stuff about computers; that woman is self-proclaimed computer illiterate xD)

I took a video from the staircase and recorded a footage of the entire studio. To be honest (and I know how crazy this is gonna sound), I was kinda hoping that when I re-watched the recorded footage, that I would somehow see Mr Gino's ghost or apparition or something in the footage. I've been wanting to see him for quite a while now. I don't normally wish to see ghosts, but this time, it's exceptional.

I want to see the ghost or apparition of the man who has seen me grow up; who has seen me progress as a dancer, and whom was literally my 2nd father. I want to see him, thank him, and say a proper goodbye. I want to let him know all that's been happening, although chances are, he already knows. Lika said Norma and her have had signs that perhaps Gino was watching over them. I've yet to feel these 'feelings' or see the signs. Which is why I'm dying for him to show up so I can say a few last words to him. The last I saw him was before I went to Kampar.

If I had known, I would have hugged him.
If I had known, I would have told him then how thankful I was for everything he's done these past 17 years. I'd tell him to speak to me in 'Classical Thai' one last time, and hear perhaps one last dirty joke.
There are so many things left unsaid, so many things to tell.
He was gone too soon.

And now, Norma, Mischa and Lika have agreed to close down the old studio.
The studio I grew up learning ballet in; the place I've been going to for classes for 17 years.
The place I took nearly 6 exams in.
It's gonna be hard saying goodbye to that place.
This Friday (tomorrow, in fact), Lika and I planned a gathering in Gino's studio. Lika already warned that chances are, we're gonna need some tissues. I'm hoping that (as cliche as it may sound,) during that time when most of us will be gathered at the studio together, that Gino will appear before us, then we can maybe each say something to him. But then again, we might be too busy crying to even speak coherently.

Oh wells.
Anyway, here's the vid I took.

We Want Nobody, Nobody But Chu~

I went to the studio today to help out with the dances for the upcoming bridal performance in ECM. Which, unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to attend because I'll be back in Kampar by then.

When I arrived, I could hear Nobody blasting from the speakers, and the children's synchronized clapping. I smiled to myself; I could even hear some of them singing along. No wonder the music sounded so loud - Seow Hui was teaching them outside the studio; in the hallway. Most of them smiled when they saw me, and I went to help Seow Hui with teaching.
The dance was very easy to follow; after all, she had to choreograph a dance that Luvena would be able to follow.

When Seow Hui asked those who still weren't sure of the dance to come out and teach them separately, she asked me to handle the rest. When she left, the girls who knew me, Gina, especially, eagerly moved forward and I heard a distinct 'yay~' somewhere.

Well, I don't have much to write about, so I'll let the pictures and videos do the talking, yes?

We Meet Again.

I went to Lika's studio at almost 3pm. I was supposed to come at 2pm for Inter, but the Killpest people came, and my lazy ass caused me to only arrive around 3pm.

When I arrived, Kathrina, Kai Hong, Seow Hui, Jermaine, Wan Hui and Xing Ying were at the barre, doing Intermediate. I sat out until after their class, when we did a little of Advanced 1. And I DO mean a little. We just did the barre work, skipping Battemend Lend and Fouette & Rotations. That itself already made me sweat quite badly.

Kathrina, principle of the PAD (Penguin Academy of Dance), created an easier alternative for Ronds de Jambe with Pirouettes. The part where you have to do a double pirouette, you just wait there, then changement to the other direction at the last count.
I wish PAD really existed.

Later on, before Pre-primary, Lika, Seow Hui and I went down to the sundry shop downstairs to but a couple of snacks to munch. And to be honest, there goes my weight.
I gained 2kgs the 2 weeks I was in Kampar after study week, because I ate so much. I lost 1 kg after coming back here, after finding out about my weight gain and attempting to control my food intake. Worked so far;  I still have another kg to lose (or more, not complaining...), but I haven't weighed myself after the snack indulgence today.
Almost afraid to.

Then at around 7, Gina's group came, along with Sonia & Sophia the 2 from Hong Lee; Megan and Michelle. Esther seemed less lively than the last I saw her; where else Irene and Gina were their usual talkative and lively selves. They were all doing the new syllabus by now, the pre-primary and primary. It was interesting to watch them do something else other than the usual, almost-boring-to-look-at pp and primary work.
Hmm. I wish they would change the other syllabus' too. To slightly easier, of course.

Whoa, now.

So after a few days of lazing at home and being a real pig (seriously, I had expected to go out often as I hadn't had the chance to hang out much when I was back for study week), I finally got my ass out of the house, and went to Lika's studio.
I was supposed to go swimming with Ann this afternoon, but it got canceled. Plus, Lika suggested I help Seow Hui with choreographing the dance for the student's Bridal Fair performance. I warned her that I was horrible at choreographing. She of all people should know that.
I also found out that Lika no longer used Gino's studio, mainly due to the loud construction noises. And really, I don't blame her. Try doing pirouettes or poses with the drilling sounds.


During Lika's pre-primary class, whom are learning the new syllabus, an adorable 4-year old started doing a little of the Sorry Sorry dance. xD Yes, call me stupid, but I hadn't managed to get a picture of her. But I will the next time I see her. (They call her Tong Tong. )


But that isn't the main reason of my entry.
The last class of the day was Grade 2, and as they were dancing, a girl turned up with her mother. I soon learnt that she was from Shu Cia, and that she came here due to.. personal preference. The girl, whose name was Celine, was reluctant to join the class. I don't blame her, being the only new girl and all. I would probably do the same when I was her age.
Her mother kept urging her to join the class; Lika wanted to see how much she knew in order to determine what grade she would be suitable in. From egging her on, her mother began scolding her, in front of everyone. Celine started crying, and right then, I felt a little sorry for her. I thought, don't scold her la, let her slowly warm up and join the class on her own.
After a final threat from her mother to beat her, Celine got up and joined the rest, angry and not quite in the mood to dance. She did everything half-heartedly, and would isolate herself whenever Lika or Seow Hui asked them to gather near them.
Now, before you start feeling sorry for little Celine, read on what I have to say.
When we talked to her, coaxing her to join and talk with the other girls, she rarely looked up at us, and when she did, she would 'jeling' at us. I was patient. We all were; Seow Hui, Lika and me. We thought that she was still angry with her mother for forcing her to dance. Then after class, Lika spoke with her mother while Seow Hui and I danced a little of Intermediate. Celine just sat and listened to the conversation between Lika and her mother.
After Celine had 'warmed up', I presume, she began scolding her mother whenever her mother said something to Lika that was 'wrong', in her opinion. She was so disrespectful to her  mother, I felt like giving her a reality check. Even when Lika asked them to change to their character shoes, Lika had asked Celine if the shoe was hers, and her mother said yes. Celine then shouted at her mother, "IT'S JIE JIE'S ONE LA!"
Seriously, the ungrateful child. And her mother was very lenient with her, not even scolding her once for raising her voice at her own mother. Whatever pity I felt for Celine before had gone; washed down the drain into the sewage tank. Seriously, if I was her mother, I'd give her a good smacking until she did quadruple pirouettes until got hole on the floor and fell through it. HONESTLY, the nerve of her! Completely no respect at all. She seems to think that she deserves respect from anyone. She's 10 years old, for crying out loud.
Even more of a shock was when I found out that she was Carmen's younger sister. CARMEN's sister?? Carmen, the one in En Yi's class, the one who Lika praised as willing to listen and actually worked hard to improve?
Whoaa. She could not have been more of an opposite of her sister.
Celine had better be thankful I'm not teaching her. I'm jokative and rather lenient in the classes I teach, because most of the time, I believe that students will be more prone to improving if you tell it to them nicely and encourage their improvement. Of course, I'll be stern if they get too playful or mischievous.
But if anyone came close to disrespecting anyone; even their own classmates, they will know that I would not be happy about it. Not happy at all. *dramatic nod*
But I can be very fierce if I have to. Celine will probably get the shouting of a lifetime from me, and if I'm pissed enough, drag her out of class with her things.
I'm not usually this mean, really, but if there's one thing I absolutely can't tolerate, it's lack of respect. And I mean respect to EVERYONE, not just people older than you. And I don't mean as in you have to be formally polite with your friends or until you don't stand up for yourself la. Durr.


Treat others like how you want to be treated.
And someone here needs to be brought back down to earth from her high horse.

*Smacks Head*

I actually forgot to post this. Genius, I am.

So I went back to Kuantan for study week, the main reason being to celebrate my sister's birthday. But since during the duration of my stay, ballet classes would be on, I decided I'd pay the studio a surprise visit. Only Lika and Kathrina knew about it.

So on my way up to the studio, I decided to record the reaction of the students.
P/S: Sorry for the unbelievably shaky footage; I was secretly recording. xD




Of all the reactions, though, I'd say that the best would probably be Sayaka's. Lika had suggested that I hide behind the piano, then pop out when the students came in for Grade 5. And because the students came at various times, I had to hide behind the piano various times as well.  But oh well, at least I had 'entertainment' in the form of watching Tze Ping play the piano.

When Sayaka came and I popped out from behind the piano, her eyes widened and incoherently said "Ooh! You...!". She then ran to me and hugged me, then pulled me out from behind the piano and started spinning me around, and talking so fast I couldn't catch half of it (She IS half Japanese, after all). I think she said something like "OmgwherehaveyoubeenallthistimeImissedyou!" though.

Also that same day, Lika pulled something out from the paper bag beside the teacher's table and said, "Look what I found while cleaning Gino's stash...-" and handed me a bundle of photos.
It was the same bundle that Gino had once showed us, of his old days performing. I've seen them before, but I went through them again forlornly.

I've learnt to deal with the death of Mr Gino, yes. Before, when he had just passed on, I find myself wanting to cry whenever I practised in my room back in my hostel. And whenever I see videos I've taken of the students dancing, particularly with Gino's 'commentary' in the background, I cry. It's sad to think that we'll never hear that again, especially his jokes. I still have the messages that he sent me after I went to Kampar. Silly Gino, always up for a laugh. I had thought that the next time I visit the studio after his death, I'd cry. But I had managed to keep quite well composed. After all, the atmosphere was no different than on Mondays or whenever he couldn't make it to teach, and where Lika would have to replace him.
Then, because the students were being playful, Lika displayed a solo shot of Mr Gino on the table, facing the students, and joked, "Dance nicely ar.. Mr Gino is watching you~" The students laughed, as did I. Sayaka even said it was creepy to have Mr Gino's picture watching her dance.
But as I sat on the chair, I wondered. Are you really watching us from above, Mr Gino? Are you proud of us, of how the students are prepared for the exam? Do you know how much we missed you, and that Norma has been sick since you were gone?
Even as I write this, I have failed to keep my tears in. So I guess, in a way, I was right. Re-visiting the studio after his death would bring so many memories, it hurts. If he were still with us, last week, I would have probably attended our usual Advanced 1 class, probably in Classical Thai. Haha.

But that's probably enough reminiscing the sad memories for now. I'm off to Ann's house for burger! (At 2.40am, wtf.) Maybe I'll edit this later if I find that there's anything I missed.