I haven't been writing, I know..
I'm either too busy to or I just plain have nothing to write about.
My practical is still going on, for I dunno how much longer.
The supposed inspection on the 6th week never came. In fact, there was no news from my sad excuse of a college ever since practical started.
Anyways, I'm not here to ramble on about my pathetic college life.
I'm here to post another of my many worries, so you'll be forgiven if you wanna just not read this entry.
Main topic of the day: Ms Chua.
Instead of going to Ms Tam every now and then in KL, it looks like we're now having Ms Chua come over every once in a while to teach us and check on our work.
And unlike Gino, She won't let us drink when we're thirsty.
She gives her students one water break if they have a six hour class.
I won't even bother mentioning how dehydrated I'd be by then.
Three hours with Ms Chua in Terengganu with Shu Cia, and my tongue literally dried up.
I'm not kidding.
Then there's the other factor that unlike Gino, Ms Chua is more work, close to nil talk.
I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but that means more work, and you can count on her to make you do an exercise until you get it right.
No matter how many times that would take.
Which brings me to the first major reason I'm nervous about going to Ms Chua's classes.
Let's face it, I suck at pirouettes.
No, more than suck. Me + double pirouettes = NOT good.
I entered Lika's class being her junior, seeing as I only joined her class because the other girls in my group fled to further their studies.
So technically, I'm the most 'beginner' one.
It's an extremely poor excuse, actually, I know.
So in Ms Chua's class, I tend to stand out.
Because I suck at pirouettes.
Lika's pirouette has improved, and she's MUCH better than me at it.
Which makes me stand out even more.
Not that I don't want to be corrected and improve myself, goodness no..
It's just the embarrasment of not quite getting it, even in this level, when I SHOULD have already been able to master it.
Gino says my foot has a good arch, but compared to my work as a whole, that 'advantage', as it should be called, isn't even close to being an advantage.
So contrary to what Jocelyn/Lixian may say, for my grade, I'm a HORRIBLE dancer.
And that brings me to factor #2:
2. Pointe Work.
I never liked pointe work, even from the start.
Putting all your weight on your poor toes, no less dancing on them, is just cruel.
Especially when you weigh 58kg like I do.
And I have the scars from blisters on my toes to prove it.
Oh, and weak ankles too. I has them. (Intentional sentence structure, fyi.)
I have this fear of twisting my ankles when I go en pointe, so I tend to be extra careful.
And being the huge klutz that I am, I bloody well SHOULD.
And an even bigger fear of mine is twisting my ankles by accident, and not being able to dance again because of it. *Knocks on wood x99999999 times*
Which I hope to God will not ever happen. I'd die if I can't dance anymore.
Back to the original story.
So when Ms Chua teaches, I'll be the one who isn't able to do as much as Lika can, or withstand the pain nearly as much as she can. (Curse my weight.)
I'll be the one struggling to go en pointe without literally breaking my toes while Lika still has the energy/strength left to continue.
It's an extreme contrast, especially when there's just the two of us dancing.
Which is why, I repeat, I'm sorta nervous for the upcoming Ms Chua's class on Tuesday.
Because I'll stand out too much.
Because I'll be the weakest one there.
Because I'd fail.
It's not that I don't try.
God knows I do, especially in Ms Tam or Ms Chua's classes.
But I can't.
And that's what depresses me.