Because I just HAD to post this up now, but I can't/don't want to dwell on it too long because I'm currently at the CC, and I"m afraid I'll start bawling my eyes out if I think of it for too long. So here goes.
Remember how all this time, Gino has told mummy how his late wife died giving birth to Mischa? And how he told a different story to one of his sisters, whom told Lika that Gino had 2 other daughters when Lika asked?
Yes.
According to his other sister, they were between 21-25/26, and studying in England..
I called Lika earlier today out of boredom, and found out the truth about it all; Mr Gino never had 'two daughters'. It seemed that the other sister (who was not as close to Gino as Norma was) might have misunderstood. Norma had told Lika that chances were, the 'two daughters' the other sister meant were actually Lika and I. Because it seemed, Mr Gino talked a lot about us. And it would explain the age range. I was around 20-21 at that time, and Lika was 24-25.
Another thing I found out was where Gino had gotten my 'pet' name, 'Crystal Packing Mama'. It was originally a country song titled 'Pistol Packing Mama', and amongst the people who sang it was Willie Nelson. And that was the only version I had time to listen to, in order not to break down in public. He changed the title of the song and put my name instead.
Ok, I think that's enough for now. Just to write this short entry, I had to distract myself (I couldn't stand writing it all at one shot - and had to take a few breaths to calm myself before continuing) several times, then continue.
Before I post this, here's the video of Willie Nelson's version of Pistol Packing Mama.
RIP, Mr Gino. You still make me cry.
August 29, 2010
August 16, 2010
Someone Spank Me.
Oh, and get your head outta the gutters, people! I don't mean it like that. ;p
I mean that in a way because I haven't been updating my dance blog.
Which means I haven't been dancing.
Properly, that is.
And, those of you who know me very well know how blur I can be, and how long it takes for the little brain of mine to process things.
Well, said 'little brain' has just realised something, now, almost 2 months after it happened.
I was reading through my posts in my other, more general blog (SGA), and I came across something that made me realise something.
In this post in SGA, I mentioned how I promised that I would join UTAR's Dance Club, first and foremost as a tribute to Mr Gino, and that I would not stop dancing.
Then months later, when I finally managed to join the Dance Club, I was elected Assistant Treasurer at the General Meeting.
Could it be, perhaps, Mr Gino's way of making sure that I kept my promise; that I would not stop dancing? Because although I am only the Assistant Treasurer, I'm still part of the committee nonetheless, meaning that I still have to attend 'meetings', and have a say in decisions made for the Dance Club.
I dunno, I may be thinking too much, and probably have made some of you sick with this whole 'Mr Gino thing'.
But it's just a thought.
And it's not impossible, is it not?
I mean that in a way because I haven't been updating my dance blog.
Which means I haven't been dancing.
Properly, that is.
And, those of you who know me very well know how blur I can be, and how long it takes for the little brain of mine to process things.
Well, said 'little brain' has just realised something, now, almost 2 months after it happened.
I was reading through my posts in my other, more general blog (SGA), and I came across something that made me realise something.
In this post in SGA, I mentioned how I promised that I would join UTAR's Dance Club, first and foremost as a tribute to Mr Gino, and that I would not stop dancing.
Then months later, when I finally managed to join the Dance Club, I was elected Assistant Treasurer at the General Meeting.
Could it be, perhaps, Mr Gino's way of making sure that I kept my promise; that I would not stop dancing? Because although I am only the Assistant Treasurer, I'm still part of the committee nonetheless, meaning that I still have to attend 'meetings', and have a say in decisions made for the Dance Club.
I dunno, I may be thinking too much, and probably have made some of you sick with this whole 'Mr Gino thing'.
But it's just a thought.
And it's not impossible, is it not?
July 30, 2010
Even with my involvement in the dance club...
I can't help missing ballet.
I'm not being ungrateful here. I love that I have a studio to practise in here, and that I can go whenever I want to dance.
But it's not the same, you know?
I miss going for class.
Classes that involve me and my group of friends (LIKA~ I MISS DANCING WITH YOU
) dancing, and having a proper teacher (I'm not saying you student dancers are bad, honestly. Heck, I'll be one of you next semester!) teaching at the front. I haven't had a proper ballet lesson in ages that I fear that my techniques/footwork are all deteriorating. It's been more than half a year that I'm in university now. And for almost 8 months, I haven't been having proper lessons at all.
I want to dance again.
I want to go for classes with Lika, Seow Hui and the rest, and dance for hours and complain about our aching bodies together after class.
I want to feel the ache that comes with a good ballet class again.
I want to go to KL for a one-day class; get excited when I'm on the way to KL, then feel so tired and poofed and sweaty that I start feeling thankful that we're going back when we're in the bus back.
Everytime I watch videos in YouTube of ballet classes, I get glazy-eyed.
Sure, there's always Ms Tham, and even Ms Chua (*shudders*), but nothing can replace Mr Gino's method of teaching. HIs dirty jokes. His 'Classical Thai'. His singing.
I'm not saying that he's the best in the world. He has his faults, but still.
Is there a ballet class anywhere in Kampar?
I'm not being ungrateful here. I love that I have a studio to practise in here, and that I can go whenever I want to dance.
But it's not the same, you know?
I miss going for class.
Classes that involve me and my group of friends (LIKA~ I MISS DANCING WITH YOU
) dancing, and having a proper teacher (I'm not saying you student dancers are bad, honestly. Heck, I'll be one of you next semester!) teaching at the front. I haven't had a proper ballet lesson in ages that I fear that my techniques/footwork are all deteriorating. It's been more than half a year that I'm in university now. And for almost 8 months, I haven't been having proper lessons at all.I want to dance again.
I want to go for classes with Lika, Seow Hui and the rest, and dance for hours and complain about our aching bodies together after class.
I want to feel the ache that comes with a good ballet class again.
I want to go to KL for a one-day class; get excited when I'm on the way to KL, then feel so tired and poofed and sweaty that I start feeling thankful that we're going back when we're in the bus back.
Everytime I watch videos in YouTube of ballet classes, I get glazy-eyed.
Sure, there's always Ms Tham, and even Ms Chua (*shudders*), but nothing can replace Mr Gino's method of teaching. HIs dirty jokes. His 'Classical Thai'. His singing.
I'm not saying that he's the best in the world. He has his faults, but still.
Is there a ballet class anywhere in Kampar?
June 27, 2010
A Reason To Smile, A Reason To Cry.
I had a great time in the studio today with Ann & Edward. We stayed there for almost 3 hours.
The thing about dancers are, as I found out, they can get ballet in a fair amount of time, because of their dancing background. Regardless of what dance they've done, it's still dancing either way, so from what I've seen, they only have a little trouble getting used to the positions and steps. Max & Edward are perfect examples.
But anyways, we all had a good laugh today. Edward was really diligent; he practised classical walks till he got it right, pirouettes, and pose. He was very disciplined too. I liked that.
The 3 of us teased each other a lot. Ann was in the corner of the studio with the yoga mat, working out. I was teaching Edward ballet. It was quite hilarious, actually. xD And I don't mean that in a bad way, love. xDD
But like everything else, happiness also has it drawbacks: a pool of tears later.
Min Ru & I broke up.
Can't say I didn't see it coming to be honest, though. Still, it hurt nonetheless.
But I'm ok now, and life goes on. Besides, there's the retail therapy to look forward to in a few hours! ^^
You're a genius for suggesting it in the first place, Rachel! =D
The thing about dancers are, as I found out, they can get ballet in a fair amount of time, because of their dancing background. Regardless of what dance they've done, it's still dancing either way, so from what I've seen, they only have a little trouble getting used to the positions and steps. Max & Edward are perfect examples.
But anyways, we all had a good laugh today. Edward was really diligent; he practised classical walks till he got it right, pirouettes, and pose. He was very disciplined too. I liked that.
The 3 of us teased each other a lot. Ann was in the corner of the studio with the yoga mat, working out. I was teaching Edward ballet. It was quite hilarious, actually. xD And I don't mean that in a bad way, love. xDD
But like everything else, happiness also has it drawbacks: a pool of tears later.
Min Ru & I broke up.
Can't say I didn't see it coming to be honest, though. Still, it hurt nonetheless.
But I'm ok now, and life goes on. Besides, there's the retail therapy to look forward to in a few hours! ^^
You're a genius for suggesting it in the first place, Rachel! =D
Oh, and quote of the day:
"A good dancer can dance anywhere;
(he) just blends their body in with the environment. "
June 15, 2010
Um.
Um, wow.
I got elected as Assistant Treasurer of the Dance Club.
Thanks to Rachel who nominated me (you traitor, haha), and Shangaree who seconded *glares*
Even though I told them that I was horrible with money. =_="
Oh well, at least Rachel was elected Chairperson! xD
I got elected as Assistant Treasurer of the Dance Club.
Thanks to Rachel who nominated me (you traitor, haha), and Shangaree who seconded *glares*
Even though I told them that I was horrible with money. =_="
Oh well, at least Rachel was elected Chairperson! xD
June 09, 2010
I Think Too Much.... I Think.
I think I may be thinking too much over this whole 'wanting to see Mr Gino' thingy. Why? Because the day before yesterday, there was a problem with the internet connection (ooh, big surprise.. *sarcasm*), so I couldn't go online. So instead, I decided to play some RAD Ballet songs.
I went to my WMP library, searched the grade I felt like listening to, and pressed play. At first, I thought I heard as if another music was playing in the background. Oh, and I should probably mention that my laptop was on my study desk, right in front of the window. So I approached my laptop to check if I had left any other music on.
Nope.
As I turned, to walk away, though, I thought I heard someone whistling to the music. Eyebrows furrowed, I turned to my laptop again; the faint whistling can still be heard.
Then, as suddenly as the whistling started, it stopped. I shrugged it off as me hearing things, but of course, deep inside, I wanted to believe that it was really Mr Gino whistling. But then I thought, Gino doesn't whistle.. He sings. xD But still.
I didn't think much of it, but now that I do...
I was listening to Grade 5.
Grade 5 was one of the grades where Mr Gino was most relaxed; in other words, yes, he did scold them, but it was one of the classes where he joked around most.
Grade 5 was the grade where, in my opinion, we felt most close to, other than Intermediate/IF.
Was I really imagining things?
I went to my WMP library, searched the grade I felt like listening to, and pressed play. At first, I thought I heard as if another music was playing in the background. Oh, and I should probably mention that my laptop was on my study desk, right in front of the window. So I approached my laptop to check if I had left any other music on.
Nope.
As I turned, to walk away, though, I thought I heard someone whistling to the music. Eyebrows furrowed, I turned to my laptop again; the faint whistling can still be heard.
Then, as suddenly as the whistling started, it stopped. I shrugged it off as me hearing things, but of course, deep inside, I wanted to believe that it was really Mr Gino whistling. But then I thought, Gino doesn't whistle.. He sings. xD But still.
I didn't think much of it, but now that I do...
I was listening to Grade 5.
Grade 5 was one of the grades where Mr Gino was most relaxed; in other words, yes, he did scold them, but it was one of the classes where he joked around most.
Grade 5 was the grade where, in my opinion, we felt most close to, other than Intermediate/IF.
Was I really imagining things?
June 06, 2010
Someone's watching over me...
I'm sorry, this will be another emo post.
I knew since the day of his passing that looking back might be a bad idea. But then again, pretending it never happened and completely forgetting would be more of a sin. But looking back has always brought me to tears.
Things are gonna get really emotional (at least for me) beyond this point, but hey, I thought that if I was gonna do some crying, might as well go full frontal, eh?
He never forgot me. My 2nd-3rd week in Kampar, he messaged me.
P/S: I'm writing the message as it is; spelling and all.
13/01/10.
12.41 PM
"Hi ! Hows groovy Kampar treatng u??
Tried d K.Chick biscoitu ! Careful dont eat
too mch u mite fnd feathrs growng on yor Lips.
Wil mis my kristal packing Mamma.
Take care."
After all these years of writing my name in the receipts, he still couldn't spell my name properly. Oh Gino.. I will always be your 'Kristal packing Mamma'.
13/01/10
12.54 PM
"Ah nevr mind - we love to have u in clas - mite
even 4 yor sake comduct d clas in classial Thai!!!"
Well, we all know that that promise never came to be. What I would give to hear his rubbish Thai one last time..
21/01/10
2.11 PM
"Hi I got hear u got speakng on d fon wth Rokiah n she also got abt yor 3 roomates - 2 archiperlehs n 1 chunglungs n all 3 suffers frm verbal diarrhoea. Also mayb u not com hme 4 CNY - n got say u wept bitterly n yor tears flowng down on yor ample bosom - so sorrow. Oh I'm mortified teachnh C'nita G6 C'ractr - making noncnce of d Syllabus n feel like weepng n let d tears flow dwn my kukuchye.
Seeing 2day at 3.45pm. H...E...L..P"
I've always shook my head over his choice of words.. They were nothing short of dirty, but that was what made us like him. He was open. VERY open at that.
Then one of the times he was sick, he sent Lika a message, which she forwarded to me:
08/11/09
10.40 PM
"Rokia do u think u could manage w/out me 4 another week. I'm improving but very slowly - taking G'seng-Esnce of Chickn. If u feel too stressful its ok I'll cancel my thorough chck-up at d Hosp. Anyway by Tues. I can courous enpointe 2 d'toilette then I'll courous to Puduraya. Sakit mau mati can joke-joke."
I think that this would be the message both Lika and I will be killing ourselves over for, for not taking his sickness seriously.
He has been sick before in the past, so I think it never really crossed our minds how serious it was this time. I'm sorry, Mr Gino. If only we knew.
I have a few other messages from him in my other phone, so maybe I'll save those messages for next time. But until then, I'm still waiting for a sign of some sort that he's up in heaven, still shaking his head and watching over his Kristal packing Mamma.
I knew since the day of his passing that looking back might be a bad idea. But then again, pretending it never happened and completely forgetting would be more of a sin. But looking back has always brought me to tears.
Things are gonna get really emotional (at least for me) beyond this point, but hey, I thought that if I was gonna do some crying, might as well go full frontal, eh?
He never forgot me. My 2nd-3rd week in Kampar, he messaged me.
P/S: I'm writing the message as it is; spelling and all.
13/01/10.
12.41 PM
"Hi ! Hows groovy Kampar treatng u??
Tried d K.Chick biscoitu ! Careful dont eat
too mch u mite fnd feathrs growng on yor Lips.
Wil mis my kristal packing Mamma.
Take care."
After all these years of writing my name in the receipts, he still couldn't spell my name properly. Oh Gino.. I will always be your 'Kristal packing Mamma'.
13/01/10
12.54 PM
"Ah nevr mind - we love to have u in clas - mite
even 4 yor sake comduct d clas in classial Thai!!!"
Well, we all know that that promise never came to be. What I would give to hear his rubbish Thai one last time..
21/01/10
2.11 PM
"Hi I got hear u got speakng on d fon wth Rokiah n she also got abt yor 3 roomates - 2 archiperlehs n 1 chunglungs n all 3 suffers frm verbal diarrhoea. Also mayb u not com hme 4 CNY - n got say u wept bitterly n yor tears flowng down on yor ample bosom - so sorrow. Oh I'm mortified teachnh C'nita G6 C'ractr - making noncnce of d Syllabus n feel like weepng n let d tears flow dwn my kukuchye.
Seeing 2day at 3.45pm. H...E...L..P"
I've always shook my head over his choice of words.. They were nothing short of dirty, but that was what made us like him. He was open. VERY open at that.
Then one of the times he was sick, he sent Lika a message, which she forwarded to me:
08/11/09
10.40 PM
"Rokia do u think u could manage w/out me 4 another week. I'm improving but very slowly - taking G'seng-Esnce of Chickn. If u feel too stressful its ok I'll cancel my thorough chck-up at d Hosp. Anyway by Tues. I can courous enpointe 2 d'toilette then I'll courous to Puduraya. Sakit mau mati can joke-joke."
I think that this would be the message both Lika and I will be killing ourselves over for, for not taking his sickness seriously.
He has been sick before in the past, so I think it never really crossed our minds how serious it was this time. I'm sorry, Mr Gino. If only we knew.
I have a few other messages from him in my other phone, so maybe I'll save those messages for next time. But until then, I'm still waiting for a sign of some sort that he's up in heaven, still shaking his head and watching over his Kristal packing Mamma.
June 05, 2010
Disappointing? Uh oh.
Lika messaged me this morning and told me that the Bridal performance last night was slightly disappointing.
The students forgot steps, and the stage layout didn't help much either. It was weirdly built, slightly too low, resulting in the kids getting distracted.
>____<
I know they're little and all, but they've performed several times before and they've got through it.
Hmm.
The students forgot steps, and the stage layout didn't help much either. It was weirdly built, slightly too low, resulting in the kids getting distracted.
>____<
I know they're little and all, but they've performed several times before and they've got through it.
Hmm.
May 31, 2010
Performance practises again
I feel sorry that I wouldn't be able to be there for their performance next week.
Things have changed so much since I left. There are so many new students, and it feels like I'm the one who has to get to know them now, not the other way round.
Yes, they still call me 'teacher', but I feel so disconnected to them now. I don't teach them anymore; Seow Hui does. She's become one of the real teachers, while I'm just someone who comes in when I happen to be on break. I used to 'freelance', if you will, though not anymore. I was gone for 5 months, and already there are so many new faces.
They warm up to me pretty quickly though, but that's not the point.
I want to teach again. I want to be able to reconnect with them, and rebuild that rapport. Now, they only see me a few times, and I'm gone again. I come and go. I want to somewhat be a permanent teacher in these students' lives.
I miss it.
'Teaching' Max (and now Edward) are not the same, although fun nonetheless. It's bittersweet when you leave them, then come back to find how much they've grown in that short period of time. I almost feel.. motherly about it.
Dammit.
*cough* Now that I've emo-ed enough, on to the videos and pictures^^
Things have changed so much since I left. There are so many new students, and it feels like I'm the one who has to get to know them now, not the other way round.
Yes, they still call me 'teacher', but I feel so disconnected to them now. I don't teach them anymore; Seow Hui does. She's become one of the real teachers, while I'm just someone who comes in when I happen to be on break. I used to 'freelance', if you will, though not anymore. I was gone for 5 months, and already there are so many new faces.
They warm up to me pretty quickly though, but that's not the point.
I want to teach again. I want to be able to reconnect with them, and rebuild that rapport. Now, they only see me a few times, and I'm gone again. I come and go. I want to somewhat be a permanent teacher in these students' lives.
I miss it.
'Teaching' Max (and now Edward) are not the same, although fun nonetheless. It's bittersweet when you leave them, then come back to find how much they've grown in that short period of time. I almost feel.. motherly about it.
Dammit.
*cough* Now that I've emo-ed enough, on to the videos and pictures^^
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
